www.GIRLSARETHENEWBOYS.COM

Girlsarethenewboys.com

2011-11-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

WOW. Haven't checked out this blog in a while, but thought I would since a lot of my hits are still referrals from here. Just wanted to remind you guys that with the exception of this post, I am no longer posting on blogspot. My new home is at www.girlsarethenewboys.com which I've found quite cozy, and a definite upgrade! You should come visit lol. For those of you with Tumblr accounts, I've also temporarily created a page there for easier sharing - www.girlsarethenewboys.tumblr.com.

Once again, thank you so much for reading!

TELL YOUR KIDS, TELL YOUR WIFE, AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND - WE'VE MOVED!

2011-04-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

WWW.GIRLSARETHENEWBOYS.COM

Oops!

2011-04-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay but the winner of the giveaway will be announced at 7pm today. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Homesick

2011-04-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU!

2011-04-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for entering my giveaway! It was nice getting to know a little bit about the people who visit my blog and fun reading some of your messages. You guys are fucking AMAZING. I'll be announcing the winner on Monday, April 11th at 7:00am PST using a random name generator. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! You already know where I'll be tomorrow ...

TGIF - The Random Edition

2011-04-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

In no particular order ...

Me and Eddie at the last Giants exhibition game against the A's
#1 son!

Thirsty Thursdays. 'Cuz it was THAT kinda night last night.

Dinner the other night. Whole grain tortillas ftw!

Like Rach said, FUCK YOU TINY BUDDHA!

Last Sunday at Straits.

Free champagne courtesy of the "confused" guy!

Straight to the bar for happy hour and the Giants game!

And yes, I am a Britney Spears fan.
I ain't even gonna apologize for it either lol.

"Trying to say goodbye but it’s hot and heavy
You touch me and it’s breaking me down
I’m telling you let’s just give it up and get down"

Stupid Is, Stupid Does

2011-04-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me that some of the smartest people I know make the most STUPID decisions. And whether man, woman, Filipino, or Black, Pulitzer Prize winner or magna cum laude - these decisions usually almost always involve matters of love.

We can build bridges, fly to the moon, and find cures for various diseases but walking away from a relationship we know is all wrong sometimes befuddles us more than AP calculus. She can manage budgets, schedules, and 37 employees - yet CAN'T manage to NOT answer the phone when HE calls. And he can manage to eat a dozen atomic chicken wings in under two minutes, drink 15 shots of Patron to the face like it's water, and bench 250lbs - yet CAN'T manage to NOT call HER on a beautiful afternoon.

So what fucking gives? We do. We give a damn, and we give our all. And when it comes to love, we give a shit about logic. Sometimes we give and give and give until we think we can't give anymore. And then he shows up at our door, or she takes care of us when we're sick, and we end up giving just a little. bit. more.

I know. It's fucking stupid. But I get it. That's why regardless of how I may roll my eyes at your stories, or call you an idiot, or wanna shake the shit outta you - I still love you afterwards. 'Cuz we've all been there, and that's the main reason it's so frustrating. Because I can empathize. No matter how many times we fall and then say we won't take it there again - we will. Maybe we'll try a different perspective or take a different approach, but if you're like me and your heart is as strong as your head is stubborn - we will do it all again.

We can make a dollar outta 15 cents but when it comes to love and common sense? Some things never change.

My First Giveaway!

2011-04-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

BTW, I do have new posts below this entry and will continue to post daily.

I wish you guys could all see just how bad I am at vlogging. I tried on three separate occasions and did at least five takes each time. That's like half an hour of me saying "um" every other word and staring at the ceiling. So because I respect your brain cells, I decided to save the video for another time ... like maybe next week when I announce the winner for my very first giveaway!

I don't think you guys quite understand just how much your comments, re-tweets, re-posts, emails, EXISTENCE, etc. mean to me. But to show just a hint of my appreciation, I'll be randomly picking one lucky reader to receive a goody-bag courtesy of the good folks at Adapt Clothing, Hellz Bellz, and Universal Music.

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post with your name, age, email address, and location. I will not be using your email address for any reason other than to verify the winner and make sure it is only one entry per person.

I will be accepting entries until 5:30pm PST this Friday, April 8th and will be announcing the winner Monday, April 11th. And just to let you know this is open to both male and female readers. Fellas, I got you. I won't have you wearing Hella Kitty booty shorts. I mean ... unless that's your thang thang. Anyway, thank you so much once again and good luck!

Click on image to enlarge.

-1 item from Adapt's Spring 2011 line

-Complete Dagger Bellz Club lapel set

-CDs from various Universal Music Artist

P.S. I will not be approving comments 'cuz I'm scared spammers or weirdos will get a hold of your info and I don't want to be liable for the viagara and butt plug emails you may get.

Dress You Up in My Love Pt. 2

2011-04-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's no secret, ladies love a man in uniform. Some show authority (cop), some show bravery (fire-fighter), and some show athleticism (basketball). But all show a man in his element. Comfortable, and confident - and that's always a good look. The following in no particular order, are my favorite "uniforms" (or uniform paraphernalia) on a man. Ladies, feel free to add your own. Fellas, yall got six months 'til Halloween, MAKE IT HAPPEN.

1. Dress blues on a Marine: My, what a big rifle you have there Mr. Marine Man. Not too sure why, but this is the only marine uniform I'm really attracted to and I want to say it's the high collar. I'm assuming he feels all stuffy in it and can't wait for me to rip it offa him. And then there's the gloves. Something about him having to keep 'em clean that makes me wanna do dirty, dirty things to them.

2. Gun holsters: Especially when they're under a suit or on a "plain clothes cop." I think I've been watching too many reruns of New York Undercover and Training Day. But it's always a nice little element of surprise to find something hard and powerful, under a mans clothes. Besides, the man that stays "strapped" stays ready. Best believe pun intended lol.

3. A stethoscope: 'Cuz you know, all doctors in real life are as hot as McSteamy on Greys Anatomy (although this isn't a good picture of him and he looks way better shirtless). But honestly, you don't even need to be a doctor. A murse works just fine long as you have a stethoscope and it's wrapped around your neck like that. Makes me almost wanna run around nekkid in the rain just so I can catch pneumonia and be taken cared of.

4. Construction worker: OK. I'm sorry for you construction worker fans out there but no visual here. The only pics I could find online were shirtless beefy-cakey dudes who were nowhere near my type or the village people. Granted, a construction workers typical attire consist of just a white tee, Tims/work boots, jeans, and a protective hat. But add muscles, a little sweat, and a man who ain't afraid to work hard and get dirty? It's really all you need.

5. SF Giants Uniform (the jersey essentially): As if you didn't already know.

P.S. Don't worry, I will be doing a ladies version of this for my 5 male readers lol. Got you boo-boo.

Todays Special - Stuffed Bell Peppers

2011-04-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

Copped this recipe from Poor Girl Eats Well (thanks Hayati!) and must say I enjoyed it much more than Giada's from the other night. Simple and I made enough stuffing for a stir-fry for lunch tomorrow, and fajitas for dinner!

I love taking pictures of vegetables 'cuz of the colors.

So the recipe consist of lean steak, brown rice, broccoli, peas, bell peppers, onions, garlic, and a little cumin and cayenne pepper.

And the finished product!

BTW, remember I blogged about it being easy to be excited for something but hard to STAY excited? Mostly, because we are a society based on results? The same concept can be applied to me and grocery shopping. I've never stuck with it this long before. But as soon as I saw just how much money I saved, I've been pretty consistent for the past month. Now, if only I can apply this to the gym ...

Fowl Play

2011-04-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

'Cuz writing yesterdays post reminded me of this ...

Years ago I was in the car with my boyfriend and one of his boys. His boy had a girlfriend at the time, yet proceeded to talk about this other girl he was fucking with. I gave him the side-eye and a disapproving sigh but kept my mouth shut. I think he read the profanities in my mind 'cuz immediately after he retorted, "I know, I know. But yall chicks love dudes with girlfriends!" To which I replied, "Correction: chicken heads." We smiled at each other.

A few weeks ago, my boy on FaceBook posed the question, "Why is that when a guy is in a relationship, it seems as if women are throwing booty at him like coins in a wishing well?" The consensus of the women who replied was that we want what we can't have. When we see a man that has a girlfriend, we assume he has qualities that make him boyfriend material and rather go after him than a single guy.

*blank stare*

I wanted to reply that it's because these women have no respect for relationships OR themselves, but didn't want to end up on an episode of "When BIRDS attack," so I refrained. I mean, I get the concept. I just refuse to understand the logic. I know it's bad to judge but I'M JUDGING lol. Mainly, 'cuz these are usually the same females talking about, "It's so hard to find a good man." While that may be true, it doesn't justify you fucking someone else's. Granted, no man ever actually gets stolen from another woman unless he wants to be "taken" to begin with but I digress.

Bruno Mars once crooned, "I'm no angel, but I'm not that bad." And I've never been one to be more attracted to a man because of the mere fact he had a girlfriend. I couldn't even lust over T.I. the same way after he married Tiny! (I'm really upset about this by the way.) This doesn't make these men less attractive. Nor does it mean I'll stop checking those guys out out. But once I find out a man is in a committed relationship, it's almost as if this "DO NOT TRESPASS" force-field automatically goes up.

Don't get me wrong. When I see a man - a fine one at that, faithful to his woman it's a definite turn-on. But seeing him happy and in love turns me off to the idea of wanting to be with him. Ladies, you ain't winnin just because you stole someone's man. A winner knows she deserves more than someone else's boyfriend. So do yourselves a favor and don't be a chicken-head. That shit's just foul.

This song is actually irrelevant to this post but since we talkin 'bout birds lol.

Dear Diary - Today's Special

2011-04-05T00:40:00.000-07:00

Bfast: I finally found a way to make the whole grain Cheerios taste good - blueberries! I tried strawberries and bananas but they still didn't do it.
Tried out a Giada's Penne pasta with spinach sauce recipe last night and FAILED my first round. It called for three cloves of garlic, which to a person like me of course means six. Yah, hi. I forgot it's only ok to do that when it's COOKED garlic. Shit had so much bite after two bites I couldn't fathom another. It had more kick than wasabi and I had to do it again. Verdict was: NOMZ! However, I'd add chicken and mushrooms next time.

Really simple recipe nevertheless. Reduced fat cream cheese, garlic, salt, pepper, goat cheese, and spinach for the sauce. And whole grain penne pasta, with a sprinkle of parm on top. Bon appetite!

Quench Your Thirst

2011-04-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

A girlfriend of mine told me how she went out with the guy she was seeing and some of his friends to Circolo the other weekend. She spoke of how much fun they had, how good the drinks were, and how the one white guy in the group c-walked his way into her heart. She then told me about the sorry excuse for a woman that offered her dude her number while she was in the bathroom. "Your girl ain't gotta know," she said. Except she did know. And later returned the broads side-eye with a flirtatious wink that really meant, "Yeah bitch, keep lookin 'cuz he came with me and he's going home with me."

It reminded me of this one time I was out with my dude ordering drinks at the bar. I noticed a pretty girl and her friend to the right of us and immediately knew she was feeling my guy. How did I know? 'Cuz the chick was staring at him hug and kiss and put his arms around me ALL FUCKING NIGHT.

Remember when I said I wasn't insecure? I'm not. Couldn't blame her for checking him out. She was simply confirming what I already knew; I got good taste. I just wish she didn't take her sweet ass obvious time confirming it. Because staring at someone's date that hard for that long is just borderline disrespectful to me. And I was one cranberry vodka away from giving her the head nod and saying, "He's handsome isn't he? ... And he's fucking my brains out in about an hour".

Of course I didn't say anything. I'm too grown and secure for that shit. Plus, I like my face lol. But it was the first time something like that had ever happened to me. And I couldn't help but empathize with some of you fellas, including the one I was with that night. 'Cuz everytime I go out I witness some bold ass guy think he's Trey Songz and attempt to Mr. Steal ya Girl while you're being a good man and putting your girls jacket in coat check. I know all is fair in love and war, but telling me, "That's who you're with? Naw you don't want him to get you a drink. You want ME to get you a drink," when my guy is right next to me are FIGHTING WORDS.

It's a constant reminder of just how cold the game can be. It's survival of the fittest. Love is a battlefield and men and women alike both fight dirty. I've come to learn that some men don't give a fuck about no man code, and that you can't have woman to woman intuition with bird ass bitches.

But to play devil's advocate here, these lames don't have to give a fuck about you. So you shouldn't give a fuck about them. They don't owe you shit. But the person you rolled to the spot with? The man who said they're exclusively dating you? The chick who told you she's not seeing anyone else? They owe you at least the respect to not entertain these people back.

As for you thirsty ass females tryna take a sip from MY tall glass of water? Go find your own bird bath. Now choke on that.

Music Monday

2011-04-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Sunday is the new Saturday. I just wish someone told me ahead of time. Too lazy to upload pics from the weekend but here's a little music for your Monday. Drove to work today with the sun beaming and my Tone Tony Toni Pandora station playing that CRACK SHIT.

Joy/Pain Ride

2011-04-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

He's not what you want, but he's exactly what you need ... right now.

Who knows how long you'll be able to detach your feelings from his embrace at night, but you figure you'll continue to spend time and have fun with him until the time you spend with him is no longer fun.

Because he feeds you, and makes you feel beautiful. He lets you hold his three fingers while you walk, and places his hand on your thigh when you rest your head on his shoulder. He takes care of you, and carries you from the couch to the bed when you're too tired to get up. He kisses, and hugs, and snuggles, and caresses, and knows exactly what position makes you explode.

And all the reasons you want to stay are all the reasons you want to leave.

Because you're five days away from your deadline. Four dates away from going off on him. Three clicks away from the "truth." Two strikes away from taking it back THERE. And one pitcher away from pouring your heart out.

But he's so convenient. And you're so lonely. And he's right there. Staring at you. Looking like a sexy motherfucker. Making you feel like it's the first date all over again. But it's not. And you already know. He's the wrong person at the right time. But he'll do, for right now.

So you guess you'll just go along for the ride. Until a shinier, more reliable car comes and swoops you up.

Or maybe you'll just fucking walk. You could use the exercise anyway.

TGIF - LYL Edition

2011-04-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Tell her she's beautiful. Tell him he's handsome. Tell her she's the only one you're seeing even if she's not your girlfriend. Tell him he's appreciated more than he could ever know. Tell her you're sorry. Tell him you're proud of him. Tell her you love her. Tell him you miss him. Hug your friends. Pick up your phone. Smile at people on the street. Go to your best friends house and do nothing. Have girls night outs. Be there for your boys. Plan dinners and brunches for no reason at all. Turn off your phone. Read a book. Enjoy the sunshine. Play in the rain. Cook dinner. Have lunch by yourself. Take a walk. Baby-sit your favorite lil' man or Princess. Eat something really bad for you. Eat something really good for you. Stop and smell the flowers. Take a deep breath.

Don't wait for excuses to love life. And don't wait for reasons to appreciate the people in it. Don't wait 'til it's too late.

Have a beautiful weekend. Got a little something for yall come Monday ;)

STILL.

2011-04-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

In my eyes and ears Tamia is one of the baddest in the game and definitely underrated. Lil' mama got big vocals, and I could listen to her Tamia and More album beginning 'til end. One of my favorite tracks of hers is "Still," which I'm sure is dedicated to her husband of 11 years, Grant Hill. Check out her live performance above with a special appearance by her hubby at the end. Guaranteed to make you feel all warm and toasty inside. Living in a world where it seems as if no one values marriage or even love/relationships anymore, this song and couple give me hope.

"Still, feels like the first time we met
And I kissed and I told you I love you
We still run around like teenagers
Even though we're grown and married with kids
And we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm away
He still writes letters and sends me flowers every other day
The question everybody asks, Is how we make it last
I tell him I still, he still - WE STILL"

Giants Season Starts NOW.

2011-03-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

I promise to try and not bore you with my baseball banter until at least a few more months. Weeks. OK at least not until my first game opening night lol.

If You Do For Me

2011-03-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

Remember when I wrote this blog and told you I've been feelin all Notebook, A Walk to Remember lately? Well mama ain't neva lie and the "yes homo" is stronger than ever.

Just yesterday while scoring the basketball game, I noticed a few players come in early and set up shop at the bleachers across from me. Along with some of them came friends, family, kids, and significant others. Among them was one woman I had seen the week before. A girlfriend of one of the players. She sat by herself, guarded her mans stuff while he played, and took pictures everytime he stepped up to the free-throw line. It was cute, and I couldn't help but empathize because it could've easily been me. Except I wouldn't have came in high heels with my hair all did, and I would've been screaming and cheering like an obnoxious asshole.

Because what good woman doesn't want to support her man and be there for him when he's in his element? Whether it be when he's on the field, behind the mic, in the kitchen, or overseeing a business, I want to be his #1 fan (or at least #2 'cuz I ain't tryna fight moms for that spot).

The homie Jeyel asked me this morning what I missed most about having a boyfriend. Its been so long, I had to think about it. Was it him dropping me off at work and kissing me good-bye? No. Him picking me up from work and kissing me hello? No. Him giving me massages? No (although it's definitely up there!). Him taking care of me when I'm sick? No. Him buying me "for nothing" gifts? No.

Then I realized that more than anything, I missed doing things for him.

Like making him lunch and sticking post-it notes on his tupperware. Seeing something that would look good on him and buying it "just because". Sexting him at inappropriate times. Making him french toast for breakfast in just his t-shirt while he's still sleeping. Tying his tie for him. Folding his laundry. Surprising him with tickets to his favorite game and not even expecting to go. Cooking him dinner and skipping the dining room to eat it at the coffee table while watching Jersey Shore on the couch. And finding him the BEST birthday or Christmas gift everrrrrr. So amazering, I almost give it to him early because I just can't wait 'til it hits midnight. Little things like that.

Which is actually pretty ironic. Because I barely cook for myself. I have yet to learn how to tie a tie. I absolutely detest folding my own laundry. And OF COURSE I wanna go to the damn game!

But that's the thing. I may not want to do certain things for myself but I have to. I may not have to do these certain things for my man but I want to. Some girls can sucker a sucker into buying her a shiny new toy, or taking her on a weekend getaway if she really wanted them to. And some girls may tolerate shit because they feel helpless, as if they have no choice or "have" to. But it takes a really special man to make us WANT to go above and beyond at times, and do things for them for the most unselfish reasons.

So I guess ... that's what I really miss the most about having a boyfriend. Or rather, what I miss having him do for me. As corny as it sounds, I miss him giving me that amazing feeling of simply wanting to do things for him.

Folks what's you're favorite part of being in a relationship whether you're in one right now or not?

P.S. Bout to show my age here but I love this song. Probably more now than I did back then.

Brace Yourselves.

2011-03-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

'Cuz Giants season is starting lol. I was lucky enough to get paid to watch their last exhibition game today at AT&T Park. Up until the bottom of the 9th the A's lead 1-0 and many "fans" had already left or were making their way out of the stadium. Finally, Fonte-yes gets on base, steals, and Whiteside brings his ass home 1-1. Then, like a scene out of a movie at 2 outs and 2 strikes Stewart (who to be real honest I'm not even familiar with) singles just past third base and it's a motherfucking ballgame! And now it's 5:30 and still 70+ degrees outside, time to go celebrate the sweep and this beautiful day with a run.

Happy Birthday Kristina!

2011-03-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my chinita Kristina, love you mama!
I'll be playing the "maniac" song today in your honor lol.

Feeling Your Breast.

2011-03-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pair of celebrity boobs.

Being the bi-polar blogger I am, I would write about wanting things I can't have the day after I write about how fly I'm feeling. But let's face it, I have a vagina. That right there should explain it all. Thing is, in no way am I insecure. However, I do lack self-confidence. Does that even make sense? Hope so. That being said, I will always feel that there will be certain aspects of my personality that can be improved. I'm excited to work on these things because life is about growing as a person. But then, there come the things you can't change i.e. physical appearance, i.e. MY TITS.

Tits, tets, titties, tittays, tatas, boobs, boobies, breast, breasteses, jangs, melons, rack, cha-chas, honkers, headlights, hooters, knockers - whatever you wanna fucking call them, I will always want them. They just look so fun to have! Like a close confidant that'll never leave your side - err - front, you can always count on them. They make for nice head rest, and look awesome in tube tops, bikinis, and my personal favorite - v-neck shirts.

Going back to last Saturday when I was tooting my own horn, I'm pretty convinced that God didn't give me big boobs 'cuz he knew he would've created a MONSTER. Either that, or he knew it would've been a waste 'cuz I wouldn't know how to connivingly use them to my advantage. But the things I'd do with them if given the chance. Yes folks, I have a boobie bucket list, with titty-fucking on the top of it.

I know, I know, why right? WELL WHY THE HELL NOT?! I know it physically couldn't feel that good for me, but just to know that I could make some dude nut off of that alone is pretty cool. Second, on that list would be flashing someone. Not even for beads or a free drink, but just to brighten someone's day because I'm a joyous person like that. I mean imagine you're a dude waking up on the wrong side of the bed, getting in your car dreading to go to work. Then, at the light the chick next to you with the amazing rack says good morning and lifts up her shirt. Tell me that wouldn't put a smile on your face?

Lastlyl, I think I'd just buy a whole bunch of pretty bras, try them on, and stare at my tits in them. For at least a good half hour straight. I know that sounds kinda weak but even more than other people liking the way they look, I'd want to like the way they look even more.

Because when all is said and done, regardless of how many people tell you this and that - if you don't believe it yourself, it ain't nothing but noise.

So while I'll always have an infatuation with big, natural breast and tasteful implants, I could never get a boob job. For one, I'm too much of a hypochondriac to go through the actual surgery. And I really like being able to go top-commando sometimes. In about 10 years, I won't have to worry too much about them being down to my knees, and honestly, hearing my double deezy endowed friends complain about back aches doesn't sound so hot.

I find nothing wrong with altering your appearance whether naturally or via Dr. 90210, as long as you're doing it for yourself. You shouldn't have to go out and get botox, or breast implants, or butt injections for the things you lack (or in some cases i.e. lypo you have too much of). Instead, go out and find a guy that loves you and thinks you're beautiful because of the things you ALREADY have.

I once had a guy tell me my itty-bitties were "perfect." It was the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me about my body, what more about the part of my body that was practically non-existent. But it was really nice to hear because I know he meant it. I don't think they're "perfect," but I suppose they're perfect for me so I might as well have fun with them. Besides, I'd like to think I have bigger things to offer than just my cup-size.

BTW - the worst part about all of this wasn't that she was fine the way she was, or even that she looks like a completely different person - but that she did it for her anti-christ of a husband *smh* Heidi didn't need plastic surgery, she needed a therapist. And a hug.

Head Over Heels

2011-03-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

DAMN. This song used to be my pajama-jammy-JAM! Quit playin. It's a beautiful day outside, it's about to be for the next two, I got a half day tomorrow, and Nas is looking all skinny in the face and scrumptious in the vid. Can one of you DJs play this song at the club so I can crush on the next person that walks by me so I can dance with them? Thanks. Yeah, I'm totally giggin in my seat at work right now, and you should be too!

"You prolly heard that my pipe game tight,
Rockin VVS stones, powder blue whips with egg headlights ..."

p.s. I think it's funny how I still remember all of the lyrics to this song and can't remember shit from algebra lol. #educationfail

The Random in Pictures

2011-03-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

From the weekend and then some.

Brunch with Q, Gelo, and Rach at Le Boulange where I had the smoked salmon fritata.

HELLA moded and HELLA not planned lol.

Drinks at the W.
How dirty girls get clean. Or, drunk.

Bathroom pic 'cuz I liked my recycled outfit from the Dwele concert.

BTW, still doing the grocery shopping thing.

Slacked for half a week though because I didn't have time to go grocery shopping.

Spaghetti is seriously the easiest thing on Earth to make lol. I just substitute the ground beef with ground turkey and use whole wheat noodles, and add garlic, mushrooms, and fresh basil to the sauce. Mushrooms, avocado, goat cheese, and light ranch dressing for the salad. I think I'm going to try and make the sauce from scratch next time so it's more flavorful.

So glad Mother Nature took a break yesterday and allowed me to run this. All the rain washed away most of the beach, there was barely any sand to run on so I opted for the Great Highway. Still not sure why it's closed down. Looks kinda creepy if you ask me.

Last nights dinner that I forgot to bring to work for lunch - DAMMIT TO HELL! Lemon basil & garlic (skinless) chicken filets with brown rice and turkey bacon wrapped asparagus.

Blessing and a Curse

2011-03-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the bar of a posh hotel does wonders for a woman's self-esteem. Last Saturday, as I was stirring three olives in my exxxtra dirty martini at the XYZ bar of the W hotel, I caught a whiff of my own freshly washed hair and thought to myself, "Damn, I smell good." Needless to say, I was feelin myself that night and I am not the least bit ashamed, because it was ALL ME. And it's been a while since I genuinely felt good about myself without the validation from someone else.

The best part was I felt good for every woman in that room.

With their long, shiny hair smelling like orgasm in a bottle. With their four-inch stilettos and tight fitting dresses that hug every curve of their bodies. With their plump lips, beautiful smiles, and batting eyelashes. With their cute laughs, and raspy voices.

Slim, thick, tall, short - women are fucking gorgeous. Even some of the ugly ones lol. We smell good, and have soft skin. And the really awesome ones? They speak their minds and stand their ground all while still making you feel like the motherfucking MAN.

It may come effortless to some, while the rest of us take nearly an hour to get ready but either way we take pride in ourselves and care about how we look when we step outside the house and spend an evening with YOU.

Even my man friend I was hanging out with that night said, "Women are the best thing ever to come into a man's life." I shook my head and laughed. I'd like to agree. It's no wonder some of yall can't be with just one.

GUCCI!

2011-03-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Currently on repeat. I've always loved this beat.

Waiting for Saturn

2011-03-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

Today is March 28th and I am approximately six months away from turning 30. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE.

By now I should've been a successful fashion designer living in the San Mateo hills, married for 3 years with one child, and pregnant with my second. Instead, I'm a single, aspiring writer renting an in-law.

Surprisingly enough, I am having the time of my life.

The rumors I once thought were blasphemous are true: "30s the new 20, I'm so hot still." I know I sound like some old fart trying to make myself feel better for being ancient, but I can honestly say that the older I get, the more fun I have.

When I turned 25 I experienced my first of many quarter life crisis. I seriously thought my life was over. Now four years later, I feel as if it's just beginning. I know exactly what I want in life, in a partner, in a career, and in myself. And honey let me tell you, I've been having sex since I was 16 but I don't think I've ever had SEX until this past year so just to let you know - it only gets better. But I digress.

I used to look at 21-23 year olds and wish I could take it there once again. But then I remember what an even hotter mess I was back then. I embarked on a world of credit card debt, struggled with reporting classes, hated my customer service job, had bad skin, didn't talk to my mom for a year, and did dumb shit like get into screaming matches in the parking lot of Denny's with my non-boyfriend. I had less responsibilities but I was too young and naive to take advantage of it. I spent so much time planning the future and relying on things that weren't guaranteed, that I never got to enjoy the present and appreciate what was right in front of me.

I'm not gonna lie. I still have a tendency to count my chickens before they hatch and feel ungrateful. Sometimes I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. But now I know this is OK. How boring would life be if we weren't constantly learning? If today was as good as it gets? The biggest difference between me at 23 and me at 29 asides from a faster metabolism and flatter stomach, is I'm actually excited about what the future has in store for me.

So beautiful, young people of the world with your toned bodies, and high alcohol tolerances - I no longer hate or envy you (well, maybe just a little). I am ecstatic for you. You think you're having fun now? You just wait and see.

'Cuz even if you don't end up where you thought you'd be, trust that you'll end up exactly where you should be.

2011-03-25T12:24:00.001-07:00

"Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending."~Unknown

TGIF - Just 'Cuz Edition

2011-03-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

'Cuz I shouldn't even have to explain Katerina Graham.

'Cuz I swear I'd revoke my own Godmother pass if she wasn't so adorable.
Plus, I want her onesie (complete w/ detachable mittens and hoody with ears!!!)

"'Cuz my anaconda don't want none unless you got BUNZ hun!"
Vegas, if you know what's good for you, you'll check out the homiez over at Tasty Bunz.

'Cuz this is the mufuckin TRUF.

'Cuz all the cool Bellz are doing it, cop here.

'Cuz I'm pale, I'm tubby, and I'm running out of winter shit to wear.
Summer, where for art thou?

Happy Friday everyone, have an amazering weekend!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I DIE NOW.

2011-03-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

Yall don't even understand right now. My X-Men card collection would've shitted on yours ANY FUCKING DAY. So it only makes sense that my favorite comic book misfits meet my favorite baseball outcasts. klajsdlkfjskljfkljdklfjljsdlfjasdfjlsjlajoiwojfs. Words cannot describe how happy I would be to get my hands on this, and I don't even like comic books!

Hocus-Focus

2011-03-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

About a year ago my gay at work suggested I write down a list of things I wanted in life, tangible or not. Big, or small. It didn't matter, long as I was specific. The idea was nothing new to me, I had read many inspirational articles and listened to numerous motivational speeches referencing this type of exercise. Finally, I decided to give it a try. On the top of my list was, "Have a successful and lucrative career doing what I love to do." I read this list every morning, and every night right before I went to bed. After maybe three or four days I got an email regarding a paid copywriting gig.

Of course my eyes widened as I read the email thinking, "HOLY SHIT, IT'S LIKE MAGIC!" So one would think I would've continued the self-fulfilling prophecy and kept up with the list but I abandoned it only a week later. Matter fact, my world kinda fell apart shortly after. What can I say? Shit happens, and you fall down or in my case you spiral into an abyss. Then you either stay spiraling and let the world pass you by or you get up, grab life by the throat and choke that bitch into submission ... or at least work out some sort of compromise.

So here I am a year later with the same stars in my eyes. Only they're brighter, and I can see clearer than ever. While perusing Facebook today, I randomly came across a link to a renovated warehouse/living space my friend posted. I immediately thought of my "dream house," which you'd be surprised to find out is a lot more realistic than you'd think. I only have a few absolute musts - with an infinity pool being the most outrageous lol. Honestly, as long as I have a washer and dryer inside the house, I'm good. I'm a simple girl. The 2-car garage, second-story, and walk in closet are just an added bonus ;)

Anyway, I'm printing out these pictures today and posting them all over my cubicle walls. To remind myself that I deserve better and am capable of so much more. More than likely, you are too. So write a list (check it twice!), find pictures of shit that motives you. Listen to inspiring stories like this one about Sylvester Stallone, and surround yourself with positive people that spark fires in your soul. Do whatever you have to do to FOCUS.

It's easy to get excited, but it takes real effort to STAY excited. Maybe because we are so used to basing success on results. New Years hits and you get a gym membership and go hard for the first three weeks and then come the fourth and you're over it. But had you acquired a 2-pack during that fourth week, I'm sure you would've been more inclined to continue beasting it so that 2-pack turns into 4, and eventually working out becomes second nature to you.

Remember: Ideas, no matter how good they are - are NOTHING without execution. And you won't get to swim in your infinity pool, or fill up your walk-in closet if you're just staring at them from your cubicle.

BroTip#83 Should be PeopleTip#3

2011-03-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Mad Over Maddox!

2011-03-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

You see that look on his face? It is a look of explosive adoration for his Aunty-Abi NOT annoyance. I SWEAR lol. Happy 1st birthday sweetness. Can't wait to see you rock your very first Giants hoody!

P.S. Janners Bananners, I don't think I've told you this yet but I am VERY proud of you!

They Can't See This Vacancy

2011-03-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

Hi. How could I forget you? Your face. It's so beautiful. I remember when I used to love looking at it. But. I was wondering. If maybe, just maybe you'd go away now. Please?

'Cuz I'm tired.
So,
so,
tired.

Of cleaning up after the mess you left behind. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul. And even in the small of my back. I'm tired of drowning out your voice in the morning with Wale on the Ipod, and I'm especially tired of hearing whispers of what coulda, woulda, shoulda from your side of the bed at night.

I wish I could sweep away every memory in my brain of you. So that I could forget how I wound up in your arms anyway. Then, maybe I'd stop retracing my steps back there. I would appreciate it if you returned the favor and forgot my name, number, and address to my heart as well. Because it's just not fair anymore.

How you're everything to me. When I'm nothing to you at all.

When you're everywhere. And I'm not even a scent on your pillow, a reflection in your mirror, or a taste on the tip of your tongue. I try to hate you, I want to forget you, but I miss you instead.

So please, just go away. Grab your stuff and leave. Because I'm tired of picking up my phone to dial your number after something good happens to me. I'm tired of seeing jackets and shirts and sweaters that I want to buy 'cuz they'd look so good on you. And I'm tired of laying with him ... then rolling over and wondering how you are, what you're doing, and if you still think of me.

Here, I'll even help you pack. I just hope this box is big enough for all the shit you left behind.

U Remind Me

2011-03-23T16:00:00.001-07:00

Method to the Madness

2011-03-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

If you think it's kinda hard out here for a pimp, imagine how hard it is for a female blogger. Especially one that puts herself out there as much as I do. Baring my soul on the internet and showcasing to the world not just the good, the bad, and the ugly - but the neurotic, the crazy, the lewd, and the bi-polar as well. Obviously, it's more my fault than anyone else's because I choose what goes on here, and no one has a gun to my head yelling "Publish!" But I can't help but think it would be a different story if I had a penis in between my legs ... well you know, not in the way one normally is *ba-dump-bump*.

Now I wouldn't go as far as saying that the blogosphere is sexist, but it definitely plays favorites.

Especially with readers of the opposite sex. When a man writes about love he's admirable. When I write about love, I'm typical. When a man writes about sex, he's a pimp. When I write about sex, I'm a whore. When a man writes about heartache, he's sensitive. When I write about heartache, I'm unstable. When a man writes about being alone, he's a bachelor. When I write about being alone, I'm lonely. When a man writes about being crazy for someone, he's honest. When I write about being crazy for someone, I'm just CRAZY.

Not that we write to get laid, but for the most part male bloggers attract women while I feel as if some of my posts make men want to run for the hills. I actually know a girl who probably masturbates to Jozen's blog and would jump on him given the chance (and no it's not me lol). But I feel like if a stranger of the opposite sex thought I was cute and read my blog he'd think, "Oh fuck this crazy bitch, I'm outta here!" While I could never be with a man that didn't support my writing, I would definitely be cautious when introducing him to it. I think it would hinder our relationship more than help it.

At the same time though, men tend to see male bloggers that write about more than sports, and fucking as soft, simps, or even traitors that break every man rule in the book. While for the most part, women find Raaachem's words inspiring, and her voice empowering. Thus, I realize that it's not just the blogosphere. It's the atmosphere. Sexist stereotypes are nothing new, only its outlets are. I don't expect to break every stereotype either, especially when some of them are TRUE.

'Cuz I am dysfunctional, and brash. I get lonely, and cry over SPCA commercials. But I can also be logical, and chill, and all sorts of other amazing things as well. And guess what? I'm not the only one. The only difference is - I document it on here.

So if anything, I hope that this helps you understand how simply complex some women can be. That there is in fact a method to our madness. Then, maybe you'll know the difference between "No," and "No." So that if we go out on a date where we laugh all night and practically finish each others sentences, and I even give you a kiss good-night ... but don't answer your phone call the next day, then you'll know why.

R.I.Paradise Elizabeth Taylor

2011-03-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've never watched a single Elizabeth Taylor film, and was never a big fan as she was before even my time. However, these three things I am aware of; She is Hollywood royalty, she was married eight times, and she was absolutely GORGEOUS. You can't see her violet eyes in these black and white pics, but it's obvious they just don't make 'em the way they used to.

"It is very strange that the years teach us patience
that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting."-Elizabeth Taylor

No it All.

2011-03-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

"I'll make you feel better than you've ever, I guarantee you'll tell that other man you need to get lost ..." It's your cell phone, and it's him. Yes - HIM.

Don't pick it up. Just let it ring. Or forward it to your voicemail. Whatever you do - DO NOT PICK UP.

"Hello?"

FML.

"Hey beautiful."

FML. And about 3 minutes into the conversation you think it again ...

"Are you free Friday night?"

FML. Tell him you have to walk your turtle. Tell him you have to wash your hair. Tell him you have a meeting with Charlie Sheen. Tell him you're building an airplane. Tell him anything BUT yes.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

JUST SAY NO. HERE, SAY IT WITH ME - NO.

"Sure."

Good fucking God woman! You know how easy it is to say the word "No"? You have more trouble breathing sometimes. I'm shaking my head in disappointment at you right now. Can you see me, can you? I hope not. Because then you'd also see me replying back to a text I'd probably have been better off just ignoring. Don't worry, I may not approve of your bitchassness, but I definitely understand.

So why do we do do what we do when we do what we do? The only answer I can come up with is - because we can. Until one day, we simply can't anymore.

In our lifetime we'll say we won't but will anyway at least a handful of times, and dont's will turn into "Fuck, what did I just do's?!" more than we'd like them too. You get fooled once and shame the other person, you get fooled twice and shame yourself. And then you get fooled the 11th time and just feel like a fucking fool. It's a vicious cycle or like the homie Crash said, "It's like an out of body experience." 'Cuz far too many times has he said no to buying a pair of kicks ... as he was handing over his ATM card to the cashier.

Perhaps old habits die hard. Perhaps it's so hard to say no because we don't see the immediate repercussions of saying yes and only learn the hard way. While it's an obvious lack of self-control, I also think it's a subtle abundance of a bunch of other things - (i hate to say this but in some cases) boredom being one of them.

I really don't know. It's just one of those things I have no explanation for or enlightening moral of the story to. But if you have an answer, promise you'll tell me? Don't worry, it's ok to say yes this time.

Weekend in Pictures - Word Hard, Play Harder Edition

2011-03-21T13:30:00.001-07:00

Hi. I'm tired. And this is why ...

My "weekend" started off on Thursday for St. Patties Day. Block party, then Otis with Rach, Tat, and Lisa.

Then, Dwele at Yoshi's with Ruth, Nicole, and Marla.

Saturday afternoon brunch with my chinita Kristina.

Then, got ready to work the door at Minna.

Like my new ring? I do! Retarded "tough" face not included.

Making it reign indoors while it rained outside.

Then, off to have Sunday ceviche with moms!

She got salmon salad while I got the Escolar which was cooked Costa Rican style and totally reminded me of when PR, and MIA *sigh*.

My mom is so cute and thoughtful.

Worked the score table at Triple Double's game afterwards, and then winded down the night with the birthday boy Maddox!

Sorry some of the pics are pixelated but for some reason my phone converted them to a small ass size. Meh! Anyway, hope everyone had as an amazing weekend as I did. Time to get back to the grind! It's gonna be a DIFFERENT week to say the least ;P

Don't Believe the Hype (the reprise)

2011-03-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

I read this article the other day about women like Halle Berry and found it unfortunate that some people still find looking beautiful synonymous with being beautiful. I understand the misconception, but you only set yourself up for disappointment when your expectations of someone are based on what you've seen on Facebook, or what you've heard in the women's restroom or mens locker room, instead of what you actually know.

Not only does this tarnish whatever preconceived notion of perfection you had of them, but can you imagine how they must feel? For those who are actually honest with themselves - IT'S A LOT FO FUCKING PRESSURE.

I know a girl who before I actually knew her, I knew of her. And for as long as I've known her, she always had a "the" before her name. I'm pretty sure every boy wanted to date her and most girls were either jealous or intimidated by her. I am not most girls. One day I met her and we became friends. Not girls, but friends. And what was NOT to like about her? She was gorgeous, nice, and had steez. But that was pretty much about it. I want to say the person lived up to "the" name, but there were so many other girls I found more intriguing.

And then, I met a man. A man who apparently had a reputation I was unaware of, most likely because I never cared about those types of things. He didn't have a "the" before his name, but he did have a "fucking" in between it. We were acquaintances to say the least, but to every other girl - he was the man, the myth, the legend. Funny thing was, I didn't fall in love with him until I realized he was a mess, a sham, and nothing like everyone else thought he was.

No one wants to admit their flaws, what more advertise it. But when a persons reputation (that may or may not be true) takes precedent over the actual person, it becomes unfortunate. It's one thing to fall for the potential of a person, and another to fall for someone that doesn't even exist. But then again, whose fault is that?

It's fine for those of us who don't care and just wanted another notch under our belts. And it's inevitable and almost well deserved for those who are interested only in concepts and not actual characters. But for those of us who looked past the hearsay? Who asked instead of assumed? Who took the time to get to know the person behind the pretty face? It just makes it unfair.

Marilyn Monroe once said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Unfortunately, some of us are able to handle people's worsts' even when they can't handle it themselves. And just to let you know, your truth and imperfections are even more beautiful than whatever anyone can hope you are. So let your reputation live up to YOU, not the other way around.

Body Rock

2011-03-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

First Saturday morning in a while where I just laid in bed and did absolutely nothing for at least an hour. It was long overdue and definitely necessary. Had a long week at work, and a few "moments" here and there, but nothing that couldn't be cured with a night out with lovely ladies, sushi, Merlot, and a front row seat at the Dwele concert. "Life may not be the party I hoped for but while I'm here, I might as well dance," right?

At first I was upset he only did a short snippet of Open Your Eyes, but that was probably a blessing in disguise 'cuz I could've easily been THAT girl crying into her wine front row and center. Instead I reminisced to "Find A Way," resurrected the thizz-face for 30 seconds when the band covered Too Short's Blow The Whistle, sang along to regulators in tribute to Nate Dogg, and got up and danced to Body Rock (Which in case you haven't heard the song yet, you definitely should below. Some feel good music for that ass when you're about to go out).

And yes, there was a segment during the show when the self-proclaimed King of Pick-Up lines, Dwele, threw some lines at the girls up front. I was lucky enough to be the last one, with the best line if I do say so myself lol.

Dwele: Do you know what material this is?

Abi: No, what is it?

Dwele: BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

Yeah, I would've totally fell for that lmao. Good lookin Marla! Anyway, time to finally start off this Saturday. Brunch with Kris, then the gym, clean, write, then work tonight! Have an amazing rest of the weekend everyone!

BOOM BOOM BOOM TO THE WEEKEND!

2011-03-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

Busy weekend ahead starting with Dwele tonight. Have a good weekend everyone, be safe!

No Porno.

2011-03-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

I intended on blogging about my Top 3 favorite porn stars today until I realized that I only have 1.5. Yeah long story, but upon struggling for the remaining 1.5 I came across two revelations: 1) Good God I watch too much porn and 2) there are a few things in porn that I just cannot tolerate. So seeing as I had better luck listing this topic, I will proceed to write about it instead, starting with ...

1) Gagging noises during head. I get how men can find it hot considering it either means the chick has bad gag reflexes, or most likely that your dick is above average. But as someone that likes to give head? Even I wanna yack while listening to it. All the gargling noises just remind me of when I'm brushing my teeth and accidentally swallow some toothpaste and wanna lightweight throw up. I wouldn't want someone to yack on my vagina so why would you want someone to throw-up on your dick?

2) Anal sex. I know, I know. Don't knock it 'til you try it. And I've heard wonderful things from those who have tried it and loved it (fucking freaks lol jk!). I have yet to let someone enter where it's an exit only, and after watching this one Asa Akira flick the other night, it may be a looooong while before I do. It's one thing to get it from the back door, but another thing when the back door looks like the fucking garage afterwards! akljdsfkljsdlf. By the end of the scene Asa literally had an ass HOLE. It was gaping. I could stick a golf ball in that bitch, and I'm sure it wouldn't have been the first time. Granted the circumference of the dudes dick was Jupiter but STILL. It was just. All sorts of. WRONG. And I immediately x'd out the window after seeing it.

3) Too much dirty-talk. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan. Ninja sex is only fun when you can't be loud due to thin walls, or someone else in the room ... I mean, not that I've ever done that before. But too much of it KILLS it. It's very rare you find a porno where all parties involved are actually good looking but I found one that was close enough. Johnny Sins and Eva ... Eva something. I was all excited and shit and then the bitch started sounding like the Exorcist on some Twista flow. I literally laughed out loud. She wasn't even talking to the dude no more, just blabbing out some shit. I think I heard her recite the emancipation proclamation somewhere in there.

I have a few runners up like high pitched voices, exchanging cum orally, and balls touching during double penetration but it's a few hours after St. Patties and I'm wasted so I'll leave it at this. If you'd like to add anything to the list feel free to do so as usual.

P.S. I really wanted to include an illustration with todays post but I just didn't want to risk the possible viruses that would've came up had I googled "Double penetration," or "gaping asshole". SORRY.

Top O' the Morning to Ya!

2011-03-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

Been slackin on the food diary but with the exception of Tuesday when I didn't have time to prepare anything and bought lunch, I've been sticking to it *woot*woot*! Crazy too, because I had sashimi and ended up spending $18.00 on lunch alone - GOOD GOD. It made me realize just how much money I was saving.

So yesterday for bfast was 2 mini wheat bagels with peanut butter, and water. No snacks at all, and grilled skinless chicken breast with mashed cauliflower.
Dinner, (which was also lunch today) consisted of whole wheat spaghetti with ground turkey and tomato basil sauce. I just added garlic and mushrooms. Breakfast was cheerios although I lightweight cheated and bought some coffee 'cuz I went to the gym at 6:30 and wanted to die at work earlier. Whoever said am gym seshes keep you awake the rest of the day - LIED!
Anyway, just wanted to say happy reason to get shit face in the middle of the week day to everyone! This was the only thing I had green asides from a go-go set which obviously wouldn't have done so well at the j-o-b nor looked good on me (anymore, wah!). So many people at work had to do a double take when they saw me, "ARE YOU ACTUALLY WEARING AN A'S HAT?" Of course not sillies, I got love for the rest of the Bay but it would burn on contact!
Lastly, Happy Birthday to one of my favorite white girls Nicci Blue-Eyes herself! See you this weekend mama! XOXO.

Failure at its Best

2011-03-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we hit it"~Michaelangelo

He asked me what I was scared of, and I said failure. I immediately felt ashamed afterwards. For what would life be without it?

Sure, it would be a lot less stressful. Less dramatic. Less discouraging. Maybe even less painful. But it would also be stagnant. Redundant. Mediocre. Life, would be BORING. Because without failure, there would be less understanding. Less experience. Less wisdom. Less drive.

While the possibility of failure deters us from taking risks, it's the reason we have risks to begin with. It's what separates those who are alive, from those who actually LIVE. It keeps us on our toes. And at the same time, it humbles us.

Because the taste of failure, makes victory that much sweeter. Had Chris Gardner been handed his fortune to him on a silver platter, his pursuit of happiness may have never starred Will Smith ... because there would've never never been a movie to begin with. The Fab Five may have never won a championship, but failures they are not.

We have to be at least a little scared of failure, but we must NEVER be at the mercy of it. Instead, know it's potential and understand its consequences so that it forces you to step your game up - instead of paralyzing you.

Difficult isn't impossible. And as many times as I've said it I'm gonna say it again, "Nothing worth having comes easy." Easy, is well ... just ... easy. Ask anyone whose beat Mario Kart on level "easy." At the end, you pump your fist in the air (or not) and shout out a victory yell (or not) but it usually gets drowned out by one of your friends saying, "Aw man that's weak, my little sister can beat that shit on easy." WELL FUCK YOU OK?! Failure is SCARY, but #winning is so much more than crossing the finish line on Level Rainbow.

I'm not saying to fail on purpose, or tip opportunities that land in your lap. I'm just reminding you (and myself especially) that as devastating failure can be, overcoming your fears can for at least five seconds make you feel INVINCIBLE.

And the potential of failure is essential in order to SUCCEED.

2011-03-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

"Don't leave my ocean for shallow waters then ask me about the moon."

~Dream Hampton

Look Out Weekend!

2011-03-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's hump day, so most likely you're already thinking about the weekend. For those of you looking to get into something, come support the folks at Bliss Bar Friday. BTW, the Pineapple Express and Lychee Martini are yummy!
And you already know it's going down at 111 Minna every third Saturday of the month!
Donations for Japan tsunami relief will be taken at both events, and Salesforce will be matching whatever Bliss Bar makes that night!

I Get Lonely Too

2011-03-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Learn to be alone, without being lonely.

I've said that numerous times in various blogs I've written. I've texted friends the same notion when they were going through "it," included the line in emails, and even thought it outloud to myself.

But what I forgot to say was, it's OK to be lonely.

How else are you supposed to feel when it's as if you're the last single girl on Earth, and you get the couch during weekends with the boys 'cuz their wife and kids get first dibs on the bedrooms? Am I supposed to believe that successful, beautiful, outgoing people are robots with the ability to turn on and off their emotions with a flick of a switch? You may fool them. But you don't fool me, I SEE YOU.

Because we all have wants, and needs. Most of the time, it's not even about the sex. Sometimes it's about driving to someone's house you vowed you'd never see again. Not even realizing what you're doing until you're sitting in your car in their driveway, just so they can wrap their arms around you, and for the night you can at least pretend there's something there or they're someone else.

Loneliness is powerful ain't it?

It makes you do things you normally mind, with people that don't normally matter. Sometimes, it even tricks you into believing that people you normally don't mind, actually matter. Because regardless of how many guys are waiting in line, how many dinner reservations you make, and baseball games you attend, next to nothing parallels the feeling of doing absolutely nothing with that one person you truly care about. And I know you have 1,427 Facebook friends but not just anyone can fill the void that he or she left behind.

Everyone knows you can still feel lonely as hell in a crowded room. So what does one do when they've already mastered the art of learning to be alone but not lonely? They learn to be lonely. And it's OK. 'Cuz guess what? I get lonely too. It happens. But I also get tired of being lonely. So I take off my kawawa pants, put on a pair that make my ass look exquisite, and get the fuck out and go have some fun! Sometimes, I don't even miss anyone in particular. Sometimes I just miss having someone to miss.

I never said it was gonna be easy. Hell, I don't even know if it gets easier. But at least now you know you're not the only one feeling lonely. At least now you know, you are not alone.

**I swear Drake didn't pay me to keep posting songs of his. Sheer coincidence, promise lol.

R.I.P. Nate Dogg

2011-03-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that a West Coast joint ain't official unless you have Nate Dogg on the hook or somewhere in that bitch with his leather coat and pork pie hat on. From Regulators, to The Next Episode, to his own single Never Leave Me Alone, he was like Death Row's R&B pied piper. His voice was as distinctive and his presence in West Coast rap, and as a child whose adolescence was in the 90s, he will definitely be missed.

I'm sure Pac and Eazy will be throwing him a nice 'lil shindig up in Thug's Mansion tonight.

BTW, if you feel like c-walkin at work today in honor of Nate the Greate peep this mix here (Thnx Ev!).

And damn this song *smh* "See OGs ain't 'sposed to feel like this." We really aren't though.

Temptation Tuesdays

2011-03-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

'Cuz sometimes music doesn't make me high.
It makes me horny.

"The way I’m feelin’
The things I say
All just happen
When you pass my way
What can I do
To make you stay?
I know it’s gettin’ late
But girl I don’t want you to leave
You tell me you’re just not the type
You wanna do this right
And I’m not tryna say I don’t believe you
But I refuse to feel ashamed
And if you feel the same
This wait ain’t really make us better people
Take those fuckin’ heels off, it’s worth it girl
Nothin’ is what I can picture you in
So take that fuckin’ dress off, I swear you won’t forget me
You’ll be happy that you let me lay you down down down
I’m tryna lay you down down down
You still the baddest girl around round round
They notice they notice
Let me lay you down down down
Tryna lay you down down down
You still the baddest girl around round round
And they notice they notice
You would shut it…"

Nice Girls Finish Last

2011-03-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

"I've been considering ... that I'm too considerate."

I read that on the homie Ricc's Facebook status a few weeks ago, and I couldn't agree with it more. One major difference with the Abi in a relationship now and the Abi in a relationship then, is I'm a lot more ... well ... in layman's terms, CHILL.

You guys are probably thinking, "Damn, if this crazy bitch thinks she's chill now, I can only imagine how loony-toons she used to be." But I swear the three people that used to take residency in my head have since fled the country, leaving only two left. Hey, I never said I was sane, I said I was chill.

It's a little ridiculous though. Sometimes I catch myself during these acts of rationalizing (which was once a foreign concept to me btw. rationalizing, what's that?) and ask myself, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??!!" Then that calm Mother Theresa like voice in my head replies, "A woman who has learned from her mistakes," and all is well in the world and I find my equilibrium once again.

Because I am no longer the Abi that kicks in dashboards and flings open passenger side doors while the car is still in motion 'cuz I can't stand another second of your insecure ass in my space. I am no longer the Abi that mutters, "You ain't shit," under her breath while walking past you in front of a club you were at that I "just so happened" to end up at as well. And I am no longer the Abi that hastily gives you textual tongue lashings because things get lost in context and you're too coward to pick up the fucking phone! *woo-sah*

Now, I may clench my fist ... but I don't cast any stones. I think about chuckin my stiletto point blank at your face, but instead I put on my shoes and leave. Now, the Smorgasbord of emotions I feel combined with being partially jaded has enabled me from yelling, and screaming, and throwing things. If anything, it all comes out in tears. Even then, it's a rarity compared to the splash zones I created just a year ago.

And when I found out the last guy was really at a baseball game with his ex-girlfriend instead of at a family reunion in Colorado, it took every inch of my being to backspace the long-winded texts I had written out, put the phone down, and wait five whole days to marinate on my feelings, and confront him in person. Don't worry, no ex's were harmed in the making of that drama either. It actually went very good, I wouldn't have changed anything and I'm currently patting myself on the back as I type.

So one would think that this whole Zen Abi is a good thing, but quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it. I am currently putting up a Craigslist ad to fill the three vacancies my old tenants left behind in my brain. Because this whole "nice" business is turning out to be more of a curse than a blessing. More and more, am I starting to believe that as much as men seem to think girls only go for assholes, guys gravitate towards the bitches. As much as men say they hate drama - they love the crazy! What else would keep a man in a relationship for seven "unhappy" years? We all know that if you really want to leave - you will leave.

But the worst part of it all, is that "niceness" continues to be misinterpreted for weakness. That me looking at all aspects of a circumstance means I'm being a pushover. Or that looking at the good in you automatically gives you a license to treat me bad. When all it is, is me being grown, eliminating regret in my life, and quite frankly saying, "You/It ain't worth it," without slapping you so hard your ears ring.

So trust me when I say to never, mistake my kindness for weakness. Or anything else than what it is. Because those five days I waited to respond to Mr. Triflin were TOUGH. It would've been sooo much easier to leave an expletive ridden voicemail. Knowing how to efficiently pick and choose your battles, is NOT for the weak. Determining when to think with your heart and when to think with your head is a skill acquired through years of blood, sweat, and most of all - tears. Not something that lands in your lap.

So I will continue to be this nice girl, with nice dreams until I meet a man who is just as nice, as he is nice looking. Someone who is just as "chill" as me, but understands that I'll have my moments. Because I couldn't be the asshole that finishes first even if I tried.

Or, shit. Maybe I'll just wait until I snap. 'Cuz like another Facebook status I saw from my girl Chey said, "There's a crazy bitch somewhere inside of me that is begging for a reason to go H.A.M. on a motherfucker."

Let's hope the former happens first.

Thanks Gayson! "I might smile, but I ain't no joke."

Hurts so Good

2011-03-14T14:31:00.001-07:00

COME ON SON!

2011-03-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

It was a loooong weekend, although not long enough if you know what I mean. I currently have a record of 5 unfinished posts that I am just too un-funny, un-witty, and un-smart to complete this morning but I did have a few things I've been wanting to get off my chest. Ever since writing this, I was reminded of a few other cliche concepts that need to get sonned ASAP:

1) You are not allowed to get mad at someone for snooping through your shit unless you are innocent. How the fuck you gonna get mad at your girlfriend for checking your iPhone and finding sext messages you sent your ex then try to pull the invasion of privacy card? It's like walking in on your wife having sex with her boss and her getting pissed at you because you didn't knock first. And honestly, if you were that sloppy 'bout your shit, you deserved to get caught anyway.

Exception to the rule: If you're doing dirty but clean up after your mess and your significant other comes up empty handed, lucky you! But don't give them too much shit for "not trusting you," it doesn't make you off the hook, it just makes you a smooth criminal. Furthermore, the rule no longer applies to you if after the 2nd time you get caught they still take you back. In that case, they probably deserve to get cheated on as much as you deserve to get slapped.

2) You are not allowed to blame Facebook for the demise of your relationship (or the internet in general for that matter). Like my boy Nick said, "Facebook doesn't ruin relationships. PEOPLE RUIN RELATIONSHIPS." Social networking websites are not insecure or jealous. They are not flirts or cheaters. They don't post seductive pictures and leave incriminating comments on them. When will yall ever learn? If you're partner is so crazy that they misinterpret every single "like" on your wall, then leave them or delete your Facebook. It's as simple as that.

3) You are no longer allowed to tell ME (at the very least) to "Stop looking for love," as if I'm on the corner behind a bush with a bear trap and binoculars waiting for my future husband to come along. Stop looking at the greater good in people? OK. Stop falling in love with the potential of a man? Mos def. But I can't stop doing what I never did to begin with. And unfortunately, we don't get to choose who we catch feelings for. What's most annoying is usually the people that tell us to stop looking for love, are the sames ones telling us, "You'll never know until you try. Open your eyes, and your heart. Stop building walls," etc. etc. Well damn, wtf do you want me to do, have a nervous breakdown?

OK, rant over. Feel free to add to the list!

Happy Dirty!

2011-03-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

I attended 3 birthday shindigs this weekend. How is it that everyone managed to get busy in June during the same weekend? Anyway, the highlight of the three was finally attending a show at Teatro Zinzanni for my favorite of favorites' 30th birthday.

Here she is ... Miss Americaaa ... with the boys, at the Intercontinental Hotel pre-gaming. Yes, old people still get down like that.
Me taking advantage of our custom "wet-bar" complete with Asti, strawberries, veggie sticks, and Hello Panda lol.
Me and my lovelies (and Cathy's boobs looking like a fresh pair of perky implants) in the back of the cab on the way to the dinner and a show. I finally got to wear my Rodarte for Target dress and pill box hat I bought over a year ago.
All the ladies inside the Teatro tent.
And finally, the birthday girl proving that 30s the new 20 she so caliente still! Happy birthday Ness!

NEVER, Ever Forget

2011-03-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary - Today's Special

2011-03-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

I intended to post this yesterday but a solemn morning prevented me from doing so. Thursday night though, me and the homie D had Peruvian food at Pasion restaurant for the first time (I have 5 different homies that I call D btw. I really need to come up with new nic names for them, 'cuz I've referenced at least 3 of them on here and I think even they're starting to get confused lol). While I prefer the sea bass meal I had from their sister restaurant Fresca, the food was delicious nevertheless and the service was superb!

I just wish someone had told me that Pescado a lo Macho meant big ass flexible, fried fish. Instead the menu said crispy fried whole bronzino, peruvian shellfish stew, spicy aji amarillo sauce, and cilantro rice. Honestly, the fish was good but tasted like the fish my great-grandmother used to fry up for the fam when I was little. So nothing special, but yummy nevertheless. However, the rice, fresh seafood, and kick in the sauce made up for it.

The homie ordered Vaca Encebollada aka wood grilled new york steak, caramelized onion, piquillo pepper confit, yuca fries, chimichurri, and cabrales demi. I only had one bite because the rest of it was still alive but it was juicy, and flavorful and the accompanying spices and herbs were a good compliment of flavors.

I would definitely eat at Pasion again and try something else on the menu. Definately the oysters and something from the ceviche bar. And this time on a weekend, there's a cute little lounge area out front that would make for great cocktail conversations!

Although I didn't cheat on my budgeting that night, I did cheat on eating healthy yesterday. I had blueberries and low-fat cottage cheese for breakfast then made the mistake of walking by the fax machine at work and running into this. I MEAN LOOK AT IT. How could I NOT eat it? So this was my mid morning snack ... and the reason I went to the gym on a Friday night :(
I'd like to think lunch made up for it though. Skinless chicken breast marinated in low-fat Italian dressing grilled by Mr. Foreman himself, and a simple salad of just avocado and mushrooms.
Tonight's my closest friend in the whole wide worlds 30th birthday celebration at Teatro Zinzanni so I'll definitely be splurging and you'll hear all about it tomorrow. Happy day everyone!

2011-03-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."~Dr. Seuss

It all makes sense now ...

Heavy Hearts

2011-03-11T08:56:00.000-08:00

I live walking distance from the beach, run it every weekend, can't swim, and am a hypochondriac. So imagine the disarray I felt this morning waking up to Darya Folsom announcing the first wave of the West Coast tsunami to hit San Francisco at 8:08am, which is around the time I leave for work. I know the media tends to sensationalize everything, but knowing the devastation in Japan had me worried enough to grab my phone and text everyone I truly cared about a simple, "The tsunami is probably being blown out of proportion, but just in case it isn't - Love you guys!" I knew everything was going to be ok, but I didn't feel too cheesy for sending the text because these were people I should be saying I love you to everyday anyway.

I however, did feel disappointed in myself. Because when it got down to the last person on my list, I hesitated, and eventually didn't text them. While the biggest waves to hit the Bay Area were only 2 feet tall, I allowed myself to drown in my own anger, hurt, and pride. Just because someone is too much of a selfish coward to own up to their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions, it doesn't mean I should carry their burden on my shoulders. If something tragic had went down today, I would've went down with a heaviness in my heart.

I must admit, I am ashamed.

I don't know whats worse, the fact that I could die tomorrow without so much as my book proposal finished, the fact that this person doesn't realize the magnitude of what they've done (or either way just doesn't care) , or the fact that given another chance I still wouldn't let this person know how I feel and rather carry it with me to the grave.

I know whats worst though. Having been directly affected by the disaster in Japan. So let this be a lesson to everyone. To be kinder. Love stronger. Hustle harder. Say sorry and mean it. Appreciate more and worry less. To regret the things you didn't do instead of the things you've done. And most of all, to eliminate regret entirely. Just because I can't do it this time, it doesn't mean you can't. You may not be floating on your mattress in the Pacific Ocean somewhere, but the resentment you hold in your heart will be heavy enough to drown you above water.

**My good friend from Adapt will be donating 100% of proceeds from the sales of these shirts to Japan disaster relief. If you would like to contribute, you can do so here.

Dear Diary - Today's Special

2011-03-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I grabbed regular Cheerios instead of the honey nut kind and lemme warn yall know, YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITH SPECIAL K. At least in my personal opinion. Not even strawberries and bananas could save 'em! Needless to say, this is breakfast. Avocado for a snack, peanut butter and banana sandwich on wheat toast for lunch, wheat thins for a late snack, skinless chicken breast w/ mashed cauliflower for dinner (so good btw), and green tea and water to fill me up in between meals so I don't chew off my arm. *sigh* Can't wait for the bests dirty thirty this weekend so I can splurge!

Pride is the New Ego

2011-03-09T20:46:00.001-08:00

My pride once fought a mans ego in front of his house one misty midnight. The neighbors began turning on their lights and peeking through living room windows. Minutes later, we woke them up again with sounds of makeup sex.

But even more ridiculous than two grown ass people arguing like 22 year olds, or even the reason why we were arguing to begin with, was the fact that we were arguing at all. Because booty-calls shouldn't have anything to argue about!

You know what else booty-calls shouldn't be doing? Asking each other how work is, going out on dates, snuggling after sex, sleeping over, and having breakfast in the morning. But what are two people to do when they genuinely enjoy each other's company - yet don't want to be in a relationship? "Absolutely nothing," is what I told myself. Because he didn't want a girlfriend, and I wouldn't have said yes even if he asked. One would think we had a pretty sweet deal going on, but my pride didn't seem to agree.

Because any self-respecting woman has pride. And it's this relentless pride that doesn't allow us to enjoy being in a casual relationship for long - if not at all. Because even though we are using each other for the same thing (and at times we will use men for even more), our pride will always feel like we deserve better. Because we will always feel like we are too smart, funny, and beautiful to JUST be someone's fuck buddy. Because we will always feel like we have so much more to offer than JUST sex. Unfortunately, sex is usually all the men who partake in these types of relationships care about. Women care too. We care if you're fucking someone else.

My ego may put up a front like I'm fine with everything, but my pride would never let me get away with it. And even though I'd never let you know how I truly feel, I WOULD KNOW. This is why I can't have booty-calls, and why I think most men care about their egos while most women care about their pride. Yet, the two are almost one in the same. Perhaps another explanation best left to Mars and Venus. I took to Facebook to ask the difference between the two and the homie Rob said it best below:

"To me... pride is a self-standard that you hold yourself to; a level or standard you try to maintain and not sink below. Ego is a self-created images of ones self; how you imagine yourself and try to project towards others. Pride is what you want to maintain within; ego is what you want to push out for others to see."

Which makes perfect sense as to why that misty midnight in front of his house, his ego was so bruised by what he thought I said, and why I had too much pride to tell him what I really meant.

I'm Not Only the Client, I'm the Playa President

2011-03-09T15:52:00.000-08:00

In remembrance of the late, great Notorious B.I.G. Not only is this my fave Biggie song, it's also one of my favorite hip-hop songs of all time. Peep my second fave Big track here ... "Petiteness but that ass fat, got a body make a nigga wanna eat that." Two points if you can guess what song it is before clicking on the link lol.

40 Days and 40 Nights

2011-03-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

Let me just get this out there right now: I am a bad Catholic. Matter fact, I might even be a better Buddhist, but I digress. However, if you're a "good" Catholic you are probably giving up a vice today in acknowledgment of Lent to which I say bravo my child of the Lord, bravo. But if you're giving up a bad habit like smoking cigarettes ... why not just make Lent 365 days a year then? Just sayin.

Anyway, like I said I'm not a good Catholic so I will be giving up ... NOTHING! Well, maybe meat on Fridays ... or maybe not. I gave up rice one time and as a Filipina I believe that should 1) be a sin in itself, and 2) give me a free pass to heaven. All I know is if I do give up something, it will be for the same reason I got my college diploma. To prove to myself that I can accomplish something if I really put my mind to it.

Coincidentally, today marks the first day of me attempting to minimize eating out and maximize my paycheck. I went grocery shopping Monday but got busy and didn't get a chance to prepare food until last night. So as inspired by my girl Tee, I will be chronicling my meals until I get the results I want or get lazy of blogging them - whichever comes first lol. Sometimes it helps to see proof. Hopefully, this combined with starting my new gym membership that forces me to go 3x a week, my body will be so bangin that I wanna fuck myself!

So I didn't buy these. But I've never seen them before. And I'm kinda salivating at the thought.

I was in such a rush shopping, I didn't realize my fucking cart was full. Surprisingly, I only spent $95 and that's on food that should last me about 2 weeks! I guess healthy food is cheap 'cuz nobody wants to fucking eat it. Even if I ate out only on the weekends, I'd still save at least $100 if I stick to this.

Lunch today will consist of a veggie scramble. Looks digusting but was delicious. Egg whites, avocado, broccoli, mushrooms, and a little goat cheese because I can't cut out on fatty goodness cold turkey. I just can't.

But for breakfast, it was strawberries and low fat cottage cheese. The tuna salad is my mid morning snack, and I have peanut butter and celery sticks for my after lunch snack.

I'm lucky in the sense that I actually think all these things taste good. Not as good as Nick's Crispy Tacos, but good nevertheless. I'm also lucky to have inherited my moms genes which mean I don't have to do much to stay slim. But I still have to put in effort to stay FIT. And that's what I wanna be. If you have any exercises that make your stomach flatter but ass fatter, or got a healthy food recipe you'd like to share, holla!

Every Moment, Every Single Day

2011-03-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

Quite possibly the cutest song I've heard since Passion's Lemonade.

She Said, She Said - All Star Edition

2011-03-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

[13:18] Girl 1: is he any good?
[13:18] Girl 2: i didn't watch enough
[13:18] Girl 2: but
[13:18] Girl 2: he has better D than O
[13:18] Girl 2: HAH.
[13:18] Girl 2: he WOULD have good D
[13:19] Girl 1: i'd take good O over good D, any day. lol
[13:20] Girl 2: LMAO
[13:20] Girl 2: touche!
[13:21] Girl 1: and we're still talking about basketball right? lol
[13:21] Girl 2: we were talking about basketball?
[13:21] Girl 1: LMFAO!

Takes One to Know One

2011-03-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

In a dimly lit noodle bar on Haight St. over Tom-Ka Thai Coconut Soup and garlic edimame, I listened.

I listened to my friend pour her heart out in between bites of her dinner. She talked about how one minute the man she loved needed her in his life and then literally, the next minute "couldn't do it anymore." Her voice cracked as she recollected the moment she broke down in front of him but refused to let him see the tears stream down her face.

A few days later in a festively lit taqueria on Divisadero, I received a text message that quickly killed the buzz I had just obtained from 1 margarita and tequila shot.

In between bites of chips and the best chipotle salsa I've ever tasted, I rudely ignored the person sitting in front of me and read. I read about how another friend of mine allowed a man to make her feel as if she had done something wrong when she clearly hadn't. I vigorously texted her back, as she continued to second guess herself and let him dictate her feelings.

I sighed. I didn't know whether I wanted to slap these men for treating my friends like this, or slap my girls for allowing them to. Instead, I put my phone down and ate another chip 'cuz I could've easily slapped myself at that point.

The thing is, we've ALL been on either side of these conversations at least one point in our lives.

And we're usually the girl frustrated with our friends because we were that friend before. Sometimes we still are. One too many times have I heard a tragic relationship story from an amazing girlfriend of mine, and one too many times has it hit close to home. Sometimes I wonder if they make the same "Are you fucking stupid?" faces I make on the other side of the instant messenger box when I share my stories with them.

It's funny how we can be so overprotected with our friends, yet be so wide open with our own hearts. How much easier it is to be strong for another person rather than yourself. How effortless it is to give advice we just can't seem to take. We wish we could take one for the team, so that others can learn from our mistakes and we never have to see the people that we love get hurt. But one can't truly feel victory unless they run the race themselves.

I know nobody and no relationship is perfect, and everyone heals at their own speed, but I just can't help but wish we could all cross the finish line together. Because I'm tired of slapping my forehead when I hear these sob stories from my friends. They sound all too familiar, and I find no validation in telling someone, "See I told you so. I told you he would hurt you like that. Should've listened to me from the jump!"

All I want, is to sit at a brightly lit VIP table in a club on Fillmore St. and drink. Drink and smile and laugh and toast. Toast to the happy stories my girls are telling me and the men who wrote them for us.

Life's A Beach

2011-03-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my Vegas Mare Gail for putting me on to Kai Media. This is by far one of my favorite wedding videos I've ever seen. Unique, fun, and most of all real. See the way they look into each others eyes? You couldn't learn that shit in drama class. I love how at 1:01 the water bicycle comes into view but it's as if they're the only ones on the entire beach. The underwater scene at the end is gorgeous too, I'd want to reenact it one day, but I'd probably drown before we get a good take lol.

Anyway, just thought I'd leave yall with something nice and sparkly to start your week off right. Enjoy!

Sam + John :: Life’s a Beach from KAI MEDIA on Vimeo.

Better Safe Than Sorry

2011-03-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that 1) I eat for three, 2) I'm pretty fucking hilarious, and 3) I am an absolute hypochondriac. Matter fact, last week I swore I caught the chicken pox just by looking at my girls 3 year-old son. And even after confirmation that they were simply hives, I still get itchy just thinking about it.

Being overly paranoid and administering unreliable (not to mention completely wrong) self prognosis are my claim to fame, so don't be surprised if I walk out the room while you use the microwave for fear of having my "eggs" fried. Because I'm the girl that thought she had mesothelioma from her asbestos ridden apartment, but only after I saw a commercial for it. Mind you, I had absolutely no symptoms.

*sigh* Thank God WebMD isn't a real person, otherwise he would have a restraining order against me right now.

One time at Broke Ass Summer Jam, during a time when an email chain regarding random needle prickings at concerts and raves was circulating the internet, my arm felt "funny" so I actually went to Planned Parenthood and got an HIV test. All because my arm was sore when I left the concert. *BLANK STARE* But can you blame me for acting this way? Cancer, amongst other things are everywhere. And sometimes, regardless of how paranoid or how careful or how safe you think you are - you are still not exempt. Because while certain precautions can be made, there unfortunately aren't any that make us invincible.

I rarely get "old mom lady" preachy on here because I much prefer being the "cool older cousin." Plus, I try as much as possible to refrain from being a hypocrite lol, but on a serious tip everyone - BE SAFE. Please.

Not that I'm condoning this but I like burning trees, getting wasted, eating deep-fried everything, fucking without a condom, jumping out of planes, and doing dangerous but exhilarating shit like riding on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet in the craziness known as a highway in the Philippines too - but I want to make sure I get to do these things for the rest of my long, healthy, happy life. And I want the same for you.

Weekend in Pictures

2011-03-06T16:18:00.000-08:00

In absolutely no order at all ...

Shin splints be gone!

(If you're serious about running I highly suggest investing in a good pair of running shoes. You'll thank me later, and your body will thank you!)

$80 down the drain. Thank God this lasts me for an entire year!

Happy 1st bday and baptism to my Goddaughter Chezka!

Finally popped my Chipotle cherry.

Celebration shots (of expresso) for the homie Gayson's new job!

My dessert plate at Beijing Buffet, nom nom nom.

Poor Zae is teething so he was Mr. Cranky Pants all day until he started munching on fruit to ease the pain.

Spooning w lil' man.

Being vain while waiting for my ride.

And just because, my favorite Cure song they played at JC Penny today.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

I CANNOT.

2011-03-05T09:26:00.000-08:00

It's official. I'm making babies this weekend. Three of them, so I can form my own little Art of Teknique dance group. My ovaries punched me in the face after seeing this video. Watch it and you'll see why. Check out the last kid that dances in the fitted, it should be illegal to have that much swag at such a young age. Dear Lord, hide your 8 year old daughters.

A Haiku for Anikka

2011-03-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

As promised lol ...

Thank you Anikka
For the illegal download
You are amazing.

The end.

The link didn't work but it's the thought that counts, and I copped it anyway :) While we're at it, shout out to Byron who I met at DC Bart a few weeks ago and Andrea(?) who I bumped into after the Hawks game at the Oracle. You both made my day! TGIF everyone, Fuck a happy hour, have a happy day!

It's A Celebration Bitches!

2011-03-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to the Bay Area's newest working murse!

I've known this kid since we were both small enough to fit under the sink during hide and go seek. Granted I could still fit under there on my own now, but the homie has definitely grown up since then and I couldn't be any more proud.

Just goes to show you the power of perseverance. He gives me hope and I hope this story gives you hope as well. Gayson, I love you and I wish nothing but the best for you and Gails future. I'll be expecting House of Pride Rib on YOU soon too.

Shit, I better start getting over my stage fright now if I'm singing at your wedding ... *dun*dun*dun*

The Black Diamond

2011-03-04T00:00:00.003-08:00

Last Tuesday at the Warrior vs. Hornets game, they acknowledged their season ticket holders of the night. I Feel Good by James Brown played as a couple who seemed to be in their fifties started giggin. They were adorable. And I decided that if and when I get married, one of the first things me and my husband are gonna do is buy season tickets to a sporting event - for life. 'Cuz I want to be that cute, old couple decked out in black and orange for the next fafillion years.

*slaps myself with a handful of glitter*

I dunno what it is. Maybe the weather or just something in the air, but I've been feeling like this a lot lately. "This" meaning hopelessly romantic. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling hopelessly romantic. Then, I feel ashamed that I feel ashamed for feeling hopelessly romantic.

Because somewhere between rehabilitating myself from last years depression and now, I told myself it was wrong to feel vulnerable. Correction, wrong to show ones vulnerability. And I think that sucks. 'Cuz I am no hard rock. I am a gem. Not without flaws, but precious nevertheless. Right now though, the hurt and betrayal from past relationships has turned me into a dull, black diamond. And really, what's the difference between that and a lump of coal?

I guess my problem is, I don't half-ass NOTHING. Love is no exception - except it needs to be. I need to find a healthy medium between being an ice-box and igniting a flame so hot I spontaneously combust. 'Cuz regardless of which extreme, "I go hard, baby. And then I crash and burn." And I'm tired of being the test-dummy. So. So. Tired.

The other day I cringed when my boy D said I wear my heart on my sleeve. I disagree. Don't get me wrong, I'm just as emotional and fucking loca as the next chick (if not more) but I try my hardest not to let the dude who I'm emotional and loca over know. But maybe if I didn't try so hard to fight it, it wouldn't hurt so much when I lose. Maybe if I just swam with the current, I wouldn't drown so easily.

I'd like to think my heart is right where it should be ... under the "S" on my chest. But in the event D's right, I'm buying some bullet-proof arm warmers.

She Said, She Said

2011-03-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

[14:50] Girl 1: but yeah..that's hard
[14:50] Girl 1: "that's what she said"
[14:50] Girl 2: well i can feel it coming right now but im not quite there yet
[14:51] Girl 2: lmao thats what she said too!
[14:51] Girl 2: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
[14:51] Girl 1: LMAOOOOO

OMG IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!

2011-03-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

Well, it's not really that fluffy ... and it's not even the SF Giants ... and I'm not even that huge of a Herro Kitty fan (i only own Hawaiian HKs 'cuz they're tan :) ... BUT I WANT I WANT I WANT ANYWAY! *exotic pouty face to the max* Wah! Someone? Anyone? I've been such a good girl this year! (Forget that we're only 3 months in, it don't matter lol.)

Heavy is the Head That Wears the Crown

2011-03-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

Amidst videos of people fighting over chicken, pancakes, the McRib, and cutting in line while waiting to skeet on a ho (WTF IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?) I actually found something of substance on WSHH.

Blair Griffith below, whose eyes are to die for and in my opinion resembles Tyra, Selita, and Rihanna is a prime example of how being "beautiful" doesn't guarantee anything in life. Fortunately, she is an even better example of how not to waste the pretty.

Years ago I wrote a piece called Pretty Girls Don't Cry on MySpace (yes that long ago) which you can read here. In short, it is about how women deemed attractive go through hardships just like everyone else. While it obviously has its perks, it does not make them exempt from things like a broken heart or low self-esteem. And when the pretty go through the ugly, they're expected to take it in stride and keep up this facade because on the outside everything is seemingly perfect.

This sounds like a "boo hoo woe is the gorgeous girl," sob story that doesn't hold a candle to real issues. But I think society has placed such heavy stereotypes on the way people look, that some of us don't know how to act.

Because the beautiful people have everything. They don't cry. They don't hurt. They're beautiful, they have no reason to. Look at him, he's so handsome. Good job, nice condo, always smiling. He must have his shit together. Did you see her the other night? Small in the waist, flawless face, breaking necks all over the place. Laughing 'til the very last drop of her drink she didn't pay for is gone. She must have it all.

But nobody posts pictures of frowning faces. And nobody captions them, "Bad times as usual!"

Looks can definitely be deceiving, and like Kanye said, "The prettiest people do the ugliest things." And when things all fall down, they don't discriminate. Luckily, Blair Griffith refuses to stop finding a way to make things come back up. She could be resentful, she could be broken. Hell, she could even start trickin. But instead, she's setting a good example to hundreds of women (and people in general) including myself, that take humble solace in knowing things could always be worse.

Audrey Hepburn (and my Hayati) once said, "The prettiest girls are the happiest girls," and I completely agree 'cuz I am one ugly motherfucker when I cry.

2011-03-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hey Superman,

"You'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind"

~Skylar Grey

Let's Play the Blame Game

2011-03-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

This fan-made video doesn't really have anything to do with the song but it's a good one nevertheless. It's a tear jerker though, so don't say I didn't warn ya!

Doing It, and Doing It, and Doing It Well.

2011-03-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

Alright look people. I know you mean well and just want to see your heartbroken friends smile again, but unless they've spent the past month staring at the wall, starving, drowning in a pool of their own tears, and barely living (hey, that only happened once and it was a long time ago lol) - please stop telling them to, "DO YOU."

As if they weren't going to work every morning. As if they stopped making people laugh. As if they weren't grinding even harder to accomplish their goals. As if they didn't just get their hair done, nails done, everything did. As if they didn't just get a new job. As if they're not breaking necks. As if they weren't having breakfast/brunch/lunch/happy hour/dinner with friends. As if they didn't just spend the weekend with their favorite baby cousin. As if they weren't going on vacations. As if they're not hitting the gym. As if they're not running the beach. As if they're not helping others. As if they're not keeping busy. As if they ever stopped doing any of these things to begin with.

Because telling someone to, "Do you," only works for those who lost themselves in their relationship ... or never found themselves to begin with. But for those of us who refuse to lose even when we're with a winner? Then what? What do you say?

Because we love going out with our girls, then coming home to our man. We love turning our dreams into reality, but seeing you in both. We love being happy, minus the happy pounds. And while family will always comes first, (until that day comes) you come a close second.

Because we would never allow you to lose sight of what's important, long as we're a part of that vision.

Because we don't need you to be our life, but we want you in it.

Because I've always done me. I always do me. Now can you blame me for wanting to do me, with him?

"Do you?"

Love is (color)Blind

2011-03-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more I notice that less and less Filipino guys approach me. I told my homie this and he asked what race usually does, and I said African American. Yet, the last dude I dated was Italian. Which is funny, because although I could care less what ethnicity you are as long as you're good looking, I do have an affinity for Latin guys.

But that's beside the point. The conversation eventually sparked a more in-depth one regarding interracial dating, and our observation of how certain races tend to gravitate towards others, i.e. Blacks and Filipinos. After some brainstorming that was reminiscent of my days at SF State, we came up with what I thought was a fair, and well conceived explanation (although I'm sure not a breakthrough) that was broken down into three layers as followed:

The most obvious and superficial layer of them all: appearance. Not of the actual person themselves, but more so what they choose to adorn themselves with. The clothing, shoes, hair, makeup, body art, etc. While people may not be attracted to the familiar, they are definitely more comfortable with it and more inclined to approach them due to the assumption of having similar interest, which is the second layer. 'Cuz if I'm wearing Js and he's wearing Js, there's a possibility we may both be fans of basketball. And if he has tats and I have tats a good ice-breaker might be, "Nice ink, who's your artist?" Now if you want to take the similarities even further, it brings us to the third layer of cultural upbringing. The reasons why we like certain foods, attend the same functions, enjoy the same sports, watch the same movies, buy the same brands, live in the same areas, go to the same schools, and have experienced the same types of discrimination even though we are of different ethnicity (I could elaborate some more but the third layer can be a post on its own lol).

Now, the above obviously is not fact. It's just what I've noticed, and what many I have asked agreed with in reference to growing up in the cosmopolitan we live in. And it all makes sense until you come up to me based on the fact that my nose is pierced, and am wearing a Crooks cardi and Tims (unlaced, tongue out of course) only to find that I'm 29, bumping Brooks and Dunn on the Ipod, and on my way to lacrosse practice. Because some people are more than meets the eye, and real love looks beyond the facade.

That probably sounds like an overly optimistic thing to say considering that there is still racism in the world today. But I've been blessed to have a family that doesn't care about that, and lucky enough to not have experienced the scrutiny of interracial dating. I love seeing "unlikely" couples together because it shows that their love for each other is beyond physical appearance.

I feel that love is so hard to find in the world, that when you do find it, it should be cherished regardless of who you find it with whether they be black, white, brown, or purple with polka-dots. The men I've loved are all different. Yeah, they may all have worn 50/50 fitteds, and listened to hip-hop, but the similarities end there. The main thing they possessed was ambition. They all had a passion, thus, I had a passion for them. One that went deeper than where they were born, how they were raised, or the color of their skin.

Friendless Competition

2011-02-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

I like how I had an entirely different blog about my experience with interracial dating all drafted up and ready to go until I heard the song below and quickly changed moods like the bi-polar bitch I am. Anyway ...

Some people find it hard to believe that women with similar interest and goals can't be friends, what more the best of friends. Because we are too competitive to support one another or too catty, and jealous to genuinely look out for the best interest of our girls. And this can be true. But at some point in ones life, or at least in mine, you learn to look at the bigger picture.

In case yall forgot, I write for another blog called WTForks.com. I remember the first time our stats were ridiculous enough for us to send out a mass celebration email, we became obsessed with numbers. So much that it began to take away from the quality of our posts. While it's always good to check out the competition, when it gets to a point where you're only doing something for the sole purpose of being better than others, your work loses its integrity and the passion is lost. As soon as we decided to not pay attention to the stats and go back to the basics, our readership increased. Coincidence? I personally think not.

I'm not gonna lie, I've read plenty of articles by women and men, and thought to myself, "Witty asshole, why didn't I think of that?" And yes, I do use that as fuel to be a better writer. But not in the sense where I'm constantly comparing myself to others or trying to be better than them. That's not the point. Because no matter how hard I try, I will never be her or him or them. Why the fuck would you want to be anyone else but a better version of yourself anyway?

No matter how much you click with someone else, no matter how similar you and your bff dress, and no matter how often the two of you finish each others sentences, you are still two different people, with two different brains, and two different hearts, that will never agree on every single thing. You may have the same destination, but different ways of getting there. The same dreams, but different realities. And the more you waste your time competing and comparing, the less time you spend achieving.

It's understandable and only right to help yourself before you attempt to help others. Like on airplanes when they tell you to put on your mask before aiding someone else with theirs. I love my friends, but at the end of the day I will always look out for myself first. Is it selfish? Maybe. Is it necessary? Sometimes. Is it the truth? FOR SURE.

However, my friends are only milliseconds behind. "You know if I ball, then we all go'n stunt." But more than wanting to be able to take care of the people I love, I want them to be successful and take care of themselves. There are ways to climb to the top without stepping all over people and throwing them under the bus. Find them.

'Cuz as much as I want the shine, it gets hot under the sun. And as high as I wanna get? It's going to be twice as lonely on the top. Poppin bottles ain't as fun if you're the only one drinking.

And yeah this song has nothing to do with the post with the exception of that one line but peep it anyway lol. Actually, peep the official video instead. Cassie is too gorgeous in it and I love her outfit in the beginning. "Suede Tims on my feet make the cypher complete ..." Even though they're actually made outta nubuck ... just sayin lol.

We Stay Fly, No Lie, and You Know This

2011-02-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

BALLIN!

Can you tell I'm too stupid to post anything of substance today? Thought I'd share some pics from my sports ridden February in the mean time.
1 more month! You know I'm counting down the days ...
To think, mi amor Yonathan pitches on that mound behind me. Oh the inappropriate things I could say to follow that. It's just too easy though lol.
Happy birthday FD! And congrats to Triple Double Sports for hosting an amazing event!
Ball, beer, bitches, and my boys. Add babies and pit bulls and I'm pretty much set.

OMG I am just about as witty as a tree stump today. Good bye.

Foodgasm of the Day - Social Kitchen & Brewery

2011-02-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday everyone, hope the weekend was as good to you as it was good to me!

Yesterday, I had brunch with a few of my faves at Social Kitchen & Brewery on 9th and Irving. I broke my vow to not have beer until baseball season officially started Friday at the Warrior game so I figured why not. I was never one to follow the rules anyway lol. And after all was said and done (and drunk at 2pm lol) it was totally worth it.

We started it off with a beer sampler to celebrate "Strong beer month," who the fuck comes up with these things? Top - bottom: Double Doozy IPA, White Thai Affair, The Big Lebowski White Prussian, Big Muddy Weizenbock, and The Giant S'more. I had high hopes for the White Thai Affair because it contained lemon grass and galangal but it wasn't my favorite. The Giant S'more which was everyones choice at first, tasted similar to Guinness which I of course love, but my fave was actually the Muddy Weizenbock. With the White Prussian which I could drink for breakfast with toast at a close second. Do I sound like an alcoholic yet?
Breakfast of champions!
To be real honest with you, there were only 2 things that disappointed me about this place. 1) I was anticipating a "brunch" menu because brunch is my favorite meal of the day, but that has nothing to do with the restaurant anyway. 2) The menu selection is sparse. However, the few items they do have that we got were excellent. The brussel sprout chips below are kinda reason enough alone to visit Social Kitchen. Next to them are beer battered sweet potato fries. These are NOT your mothers brussel sprouts. They're fucking light, crispy, buttery, and like - RIDICULOUS. P.S. They peel each and every one by hand.
To make myself feel better from being a fat ass the entire weekend I opted for the Hanger Steak Cobb Salad, which was delicious. Steak, applewood smoked bacon, avocado, blue cheese, cherry box tomatoes, and a poached egg on top. The steak was PERFECT. Tender, juicy, and flavorful. I could've done with more avocado but that's only 'cuz I'm obsessed with it.
Ed got the loco moco burger with 2 patties, and 2 eggs, and a plethora of dipping sauces. I didn't get a chance to try it but judging by the happy food dance he did during the meal, I'm assuming it was good. I think I have more pictures of food than people on my phone btw.
For dessert, something similar to BJ's pizookie.
And bread pudding.
Now remember, while this place does serve food it IS a brewery so unless you live for brussel sprouts I don't suggest coming here if you don't like beer. It's kind of pointless. However, the building is beautifully structured, spacious, and clean. I esp love the lighting! If you ever go, check out the light fixtures above the bar and if you see the homie Tone, tell him Abi says hi :)

Stuck in the Moment

2011-02-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

Wish i had a pair of testicles right about now.

"I wish we had another time
I wish we had another place
But everything we have is stuck in the moment
And there's nothing my heart can do
But fight with time and space cause
I'm still stuck in the moment with you"

Yes I really did just post a Justin Bieber knock.

Where You At?

2011-02-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

Good Saturday morning! Despite getting our asses handed to us by ATL last night (and ruining my streak of being good luck at the games dammit to hell!) I feel amazeballs. Seriously thinking of retiring my "get wasted" card 'cuz this waking up early, hangover free on the weekends is the BUSINESS. Got a long list of 5 time consuming errands today, may just ground myself tonight unless I get at least 3 things done. So if you see me dancing-dancing next to you, yall know I handled it! Have a good weekend everyone, enjoy the non-snow in the city lol.

Oh, hella forgot I even embedded this video here lol. How great does Jennifer Hudson look? She needs to not lose anymore weight though, otherwise she'll look like a bobble-head. The melody and arrangement of the song are aite but her voice is of course fab and the lyrics are really good. Enjoy! Breakfast with one of my bests time!

De-Amplify

2011-02-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

Be selfish.
Be cutthroat.
Go ahead, flip the switch.
It gets easier everytime.

TGIF - WAH Edition

2011-02-25T05:00:00.001-08:00

3 things:

1) I rarely ask yall for favors but I've been wanting to play this song on repeat since I first heard it during her show at Yoshi's last November. It's a really cute, happy song. So if you or someone you know just so happens to have it or a legit link to where I can download it ... holla at a homegirl. Pretty please? I'll write, post, and dedicate a haiku in your honor! Or I dunno, think of something lol.

2) MISSING: If you see this girl, please report her to mouf.peace@gmail.com. Thanks. Was going through old pics on my laptop and came across this. I don't even fucking look like this anymore - double wah!
3) OK, this is only half a wah 'cuz I hate the rain. Buuuuut I know U C IT! Those little snowflakes on Saturdays forecast that is. If it happens I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry lol.

Alright, have an amazing weekend everybody!

WE ON.

2011-02-25T00:00:00.002-08:00

Yesterday I started three different blogs, one of which I hoped to finish and publish today. But by the end of my workday the rain started kicking in, and so did the melancholy. Thus, this post was conceived. One thing I learned so far this year is, no matter how much planning you do, no matter how much of a life-agenda-highlighting nazi you are - there's still a huge possibility that shit won't go down accordingly.

And for someone like me who does event coordinating and loves to plan, not having control over something is equivalent to the sky falling. A few weeks ago I had made some life-altering plans. I got excited over them, and cried happy tears over the endless possibilities that awaited me ... only to have it all come to a standstill.

So now I sit here. Restless, depressed, and resentful as fuck. Because these long over due plans that I had meticulously made and even consulted with the people I care about with, went to shambles. You know how that feels? It feels like I failed. You know what it really means though? I simply have to tweak my original plan, or make a completely new one. For me and this dream of mine, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION. Where there's a will, there's a way. Even if today may seem worse than yesterday.

That's the thing about hitting rock bottom, there's nowhere else to go but UP. Trust me, I know. I've cried on bathroom floors before trying to dig myself a deeper hole only to find out they lead nowhere. So while yall are doing the damn thang this weekend - I will be doing the same ... all while thinking of more plans. "Because it's never too late to be the person you want to be," and I plan on being just that, only better. See you at the top :)

"Now tell me how you love it. You know you at the top when only heavens right above it. (Say it with me now) WE ONNNN ..."

Like Jordans on a Saturday

2011-02-24T05:00:00.000-08:00

I gotta have you and I cannot wait.

The Unfamiliar

2011-02-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

She slid into the passenger seat of his murdered out GTO and took a look around as he made his way to the driver side. The same candle holder in honor of his uncle that passed away still stood on the dashboard, as well as the dried rose from his funeral. All his CD's were still stacked in the side pocket of the door; Marley, Earth, Wind, and Fire, Pac, and Marvin Gaye just to name a few. He started the car, and the engine roared right before it purred. And then they made their way down Merced, around Brother Lake, and to a house she used to visit quite frequently.

Well doesn't this look familiar?

They went upstairs and he went to the kitchen to open the bottle of Sebastiani he bought earlier that day, as she made a beeline for the bathroom. The bathroom smelled just as she remembered. Pantene she thinks. With a little Sean John cologne. And a touch of some Bath and Body Works liquid soap. By the time she sat on the couch and snuggled up underneath the same throw blanket that used to greet her, two glasses of wine sat on the coffee table. She held the glass to her face and took a whiff. The scent of Pinot Noir invaded her nostrils. She hadn't drank wine since their last "date."

Well doesn't this smell familiar?

"'You're so beautiful." "Wow, you look real good." "I'm so glad to see you." "Aw why you always clownin?" "Damn, you smell nice." "You're so pretty." "How have you been?" "I had a lot of fun tonight" "We always be doing it big huh?" "Why you ain't never called me back?" "I miss you." "You miss me?" "When can I see you again?" "Yah, that was real fun." "That was our spot." "You know I always take care of you." "It's your world girl." "I always think about you."

Well doesn't this sound familiar?

And now he's only two inches away from your face (God he's so hot). And his mouth's against yours (they were meant for you). And his hands are all over your body (they're so strong). And there goes your pants (how the? he's a goddamn ninja!). And there goes his pants (oh shit, here we go). And then he presses his body against yours (it's all coming back to you now). And then he slides up inside you (FUCK). And now he's putting it.the.fuck.down. (but you're not surprised). And then you go (and go again. and again. and again.). And then he goes (finally). And then two hours later you're cocooned in his arms.

Well doesn't this feel familiar?

No. Not at all. Because despite the familiar sounds and smells and tastes. That family album that was on the table the last time you two hung out, and Garibaldi painting that's over his fireplace collecting dust. The hum of his fridge that's so loud it sounds like it's coming form the tv, except it always get drowned out by banging, and squeaking, and slapping, and moans eventually. You could navigate his house in the dark like the back of your hand. Been there, done that. You look at him and think the same: Been there, done that. So while he's putting it down at 7:17am, you decide to put it to rest. You know better, and you want better. Congratulations. You're free.

Well doesn't that feel refreshingly unfamiliar?

Drip, Drop

2011-02-23T05:00:00.000-08:00

Rather be Your N.I.G.G.A.

2011-02-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Yes, I will be using the N-word here. However, it's verbatim and was necessary for this specific post. Please don't take offense. If you get offended that easily, you shouldn't be on my blog to begin with.

I was never into pet names, at least not the generic ones. "Babe" is the Antichrist to me, and I think the only time I've ever responded to, or called someone "baby," was during sex, drunk, or during sex drunk. Any pet name I've ever given stemmed from an inside thing, and no, I've never used the same one twice and I hope you haven't either. That shits just tacky, come on now.

I've been called a few names by the men I've dated (insert crude joke here). Some were cute (Topanga), some made me cringe (Lil' Mama), and some made me think, "What the fuck?!" (nigga, dawg, blood). Again, WHAT THE FUCK?

Granted, this was coming from someone who felt comfortable enough telling me about his father that passed away on the first date. The same person I spent countless hours talking baseball to during bar chants in between sloppy beer kisses. And the same guy that would constantly praise me for being so chill, like "one of the boys." But I'm sorry, if your penis has ever been inside of me - I AM NOT YOUR NIGGA.

The thing is, I'm not at all offended by it. I honestly don't think that was his intention either. And after a conversation I had with one of my girlfriends regarding the same issue with her and the guy she was seeing, we both came to the agreement that it's actually a compliment. We get it. We're so down to Earth and easy to get along with yada yada, that we're like your homie. Except - we kiss, and snuggle, and hold hands, and have sex. So really, I'm not your dawg at all. Matter fact, I rather be called the other kind. Yes, the female one.

Because it's not even necessarily disrespectful either. It's just, well - weird.

Perhaps, this is a reflection of his views on me, and another reason I shouldn't have dated him to begin with. 'Cuz really, what kind of man calls the chick he's wining, dining, and sexing, and taking on amusement park and museum dates to - his dawg or blood? Oh yeah, maybe the kind that just wants to be "niggas".

2011-02-22T08:07:00.000-08:00

"Before you point fingers,

make sure your hands are clean."

~Unknown

HOLY SHIT I LOVE HIM

2011-02-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

Look at that fucking face. Just look at it. I've decided after seeing him this past weekend, that I am no longer having children. I just don't see how I could safely love another human being more than I love him. I'd seriously go Elmira on that ass.

Lesson Learned ... Again.

2011-02-22T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

-Elizabeth Gilbert

I. Fucked. Up. I'm sorry.

I thought that my witty blogs, inspiring quotes, and hard-hitting punchlines would not necessarily change a man - but at least speed up what I thought would be inevitable. WRONG. I thought that by remaining solid as a rock despite being constantly shut out, he would recognize the loyalty in my love. WRONG. I thought that by psycho diagnosing him, he would be cured. WRONG.

I now realize that all I did was just make shit worse. Because nobody likes to be told they're wrong. Nobody likes to be reminded about their issues. And nobody likes to be be preached to, especially by someone that's battling their own demons. I guess I just couldn't help but see the God in him.

And that is my biggest flaw.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. NO EXCUSES. Now let's hope I actually listen to my own advice this time. If someone can't see the God in themselves, throwing the bible at their face won't help them see clearer. If someone doesn't see the God in you on their own, walking on water won't make them a believer.

So please, for your own sanity, just leave it alone. Let them be. If they want to be with you, they will. And if they're stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go.

Happy Dead Presidents Day

2011-02-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

That up there has been a lot of my life lately, and I don't mind one bit. If there's one thing I love more than wildin out on a 3-day weekend, it's staying in, having a glass of wine, and waking up early without a hangover the next morning so I can take advantage of a 3-day weekend and be productive. On todays to-do list? RCL, run-clean-laundry 'cuz my membership to G expired, and I don't fake T. Just know that I'll be whinin all over my room while vacuuming to this song today. Have a good one yall.

More Than Good

2011-02-21T00:00:00.001-08:00

Before you read this post, it's imperative you watch this video game trailer first. Just do it. Please. Thank-you.

Are you done crying yet? OK good. Hopefully the rest of this blog doesn't make you cry even more.

After watching what I believe is the best video game trailer (if not best trailer PERIOD) I've seen in forever, there were a few things I wanted to do:

1) Play the game
2) Watch the movie I hope they make of the game
3) Cast the movie that doesn't exist yet
4) Have sex with whoever plays the dad in this movie that doesn't exist yet and
5) Hug every single dad I know (and don't know) that was a man about his shit, and took responsibility for his children despite the circumstances.

BRAVO FELLAS, BRAVO.

While this originates from something as silly as a video game trailer about an island of zombies, I'm dead serious (no pun intended) about this post. They say the effects of a girl not having a mother in their life, and a boy not having a father in his life are traumatic. That it just wouldn't be the same if a father took his daughter shopping for a prom dress, or if a mother taught her son how to play baseball. I totally see the legitimacy in that. It's almost like me not having any girlfriends, regardless of how much I may be "one of the boys" (i said almost). But I still think it's hard either way, to have one or both of your creators look down at you and think, "Nope. Not worth it," and walk away.

I know that's not exactly how it happens, but coming from someone whose father's signature isn't even on her birth certificate, trust me - that's how it feels. Every story is different, and every "situation" is meant to be justified but I just can't fathom how you can look yourself in the mirror every morning while you let someone of your own flesh and blood walk around the Earth as if they didn't exist.

Where is this all coming from? It's coming from the obvious (albeit digitally created) bond, and love the father has for his daughter in this trailer ... and from the heart of a 29 year-old little girl who no matter how independent, strong, and confident she is, will always feel as if she wasn't good enough when someone, especially a man walks away from her.

THANKS A LOT "DAD." LOL, I'm kidding ... but I'm not. I always comment on how I got lucky to have had him leave before I was born so that I didn't get used to having him in my life and then disappearing when I was old enough to remember him. But the older I get, the more I realize it's equally as traumatic. The more I look at my life and realize the crazy isn't as crazy as I thought. It actually makes perfect sense ...

... unlike this post. Sorry, no moral or witty conclusion to this one. Just a rant, and a sigh, and a plea: (parents should be there for their children regardless but personally speaking) Fathers, please be dads to your daughters. Hug them tightly, tell them they are beautiful. Make them feel as if they have the ability to be anything they want to be. And in the most humble way possible, let them know that no man will ever be good enough for them but that you will welcome the man that comes close.

And if you can't. Here, I will tell them for you: You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. And most of all? You aren't good enough. You're more than that.

Do What You Gotta Do

2011-02-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

I don't blame you.

The Mantra

2011-02-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

Of all the quotes, prayers, affirmations, etc. this has been the most effective. I hope it brings you as much peace as it brings me.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

Last One, Promise

2011-02-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

I may have just developed a crush on Anoop Desai (hey, at least no one can say I'm shallow anymore!). This is by far the best cover of this song I've ever heard. Shit, I may just like it better than the original. I'm about the marry the next person that passes by my desk 'cuz of this shit lol. OK, for the 3rd time now - TGIF, have a good weekend!

"You say you've seen too many things,
that turn out to be too good to be true
Against your better judgment, opened up your heart,
'til you found the joke was on you ..."

Hasan Insane, I do Adore

2011-02-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

I'm usually selfish with my music but since I didn't discover him first, I'm sharing my favorite rendition of Hova's Girlsx3 with some of my fave folks - yall!

And because I'm a sucker for samples, here's the original covered by someone I'm probably related to somewhere down the line.

Once again, HAPPY FRIDAY!